The 8 Absolute Worst Gifts You Could Give Your Wife

LOL 26

vacuumThanksgiving has come and gone. You and the bird are way past stuffed at this point. Now the real horror show begins. The holiday season!

Besides fighting the crowds, the traffic, and the insanity, the absolute worst part of the holidays is figuring out exactly what to get your wife. Every woman is different, so I can't even presume to tell you what you should buy for the gorgeous lady in your life. (Though I've heard this Fifty Shades of Grey thing is gonna take off ...)

I will, however, tell you what not to do. There are certain gifts that the majority of women, regardless of their interests, will downright hate. And by hate, I mean smacking you upside your head with a frying pan. Keep your head intact and read on to see the 8 absolute worst gifts you could ever give your wife.

A Weight Watchers Scale - Really, this can apply to any type of scale, but a Weight Watchers one with inspirational phrases just seems to make things worse. And seriously, WTF are you thinking? A scale? Do you have a death wish? Why don't you just buy her an XXXL T-shirt that says, "My husband thinks I'm morbidly obese"?

Lip Wax Kit - Yeah, see, there is absolutely no way to explain this one. None. You're toast. You're history. You'll be sleeping on the couch if you're lucky. And good luck trying to sleep with a baseball bat shoved up where the sun don't shine.

Porn - Yeah, I know some women do actually like it. And I "hear" that guys enjoy watching this stuff too. But giving porn to your wife as a present pretty much says, "I think you suck in bed, and not in the good way. Watch this and you may learn a thing or three."

A Vacuum Cleaner - This goes for most appliances. Toaster. Microwave. Iron. These are more like necessities for your house. Things your wife will use to make YOUR life loads better and easier. Don't insult her by thinking she loves doing all those chores and is just dreaming of a new Dyson vacuum.

Feminine Hygiene Products - Yes, women use these every single month, but really, you're going to give the woman you love basically a membership to the Tampon of the Month Club?

PlayStation 3 - Wow, that's a real generous gift you're ponying up! And it comes with a slew of violent first-person shooter and sports games? You're too too kind. Maybe you'll pause long enough to let your wife go get you a beer.

Gift Certificate to BoobJobsRUs - It's one thing to joke with your wife about getting a boob job (BTW, don't joke with your wife about getting a boob job), but actually buying her gift certificates to have it done is an entirely different story.

Spanx - Okay, so yes, we know about them. But we're not supposed to. Let women keep their secret. Don't ruin the lie.

What's THE worst gift your husband ever got for you?


Photo via Molly DG/Flickr

dating mom

26 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

nonmember avatar Brandi

Hey!! lol My fiance bought me one of the new Dyson vacumes (the purple one) Ive been wanting one for years. He got it for me as my gift for graduating collage lol.. and every body else kept telling him not to get it for me cause it was an insult and I'm totally glad he didn't listen !!!! =)

EmmaF... EmmaFromEire

Haha only one I disagree with is the Playstation 3- i would take full command of that!

nonmember avatar ruthless1

Our first Christmas together, my husband got me a spice rack. I didnt do a good job of faking excitement, because the next day he brought home a beautiful necklace. Now we jokingly refer to any bad gift as a "spice rack"...as in "mom gave me the ugliest blouse. It is a total spice rack."

Maias... MaiasMommy619

I would take almost any of those .... Hahaha

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

Im such a practical girl that everything except the playstation id use. Do i like pretty thoughtful things/gestures? Of course but i much prefer to have something id use. Alot of appliances id want make MY job easier not his too lol. *shrugs* practicallity and thought go along way here.

Deweymom Deweymom

The worst was a gift set of bath and body works stuff...in a scent I can't stand. 1. That's a "I don't know you so I bought this" gift and 2. He complained not 2 weeks prior that my stash of BBW stuff was taking over our closet.



I want a new storm door this year...or new curtains....but really I rather pass on gifts this year and just do for the kids

Karma Grant

The lip wax one made me laugh. While my hubs knows I use that kind of stuff, he'd have no clue what to get so that isn't one i have to worry about. 


On the other hand, one year he was out of ideas and after years of me saying we'd never have an xbox I finally said fine, get me an xbox. We already have a ps3. Almost 3 years later and I can tell you we are still ps3 people but do get use out of the xbox. 


 

Laurlev Laurlev

I really want a steam vac with an upholstery attachment and some kitchen tools for Christmas!

Blues... Blueshark77

Early on in our relationship my guy said he was taking me to Cancun. He purchased one of those resort cards from a big box store for $150 for a 5 night stay. It came with the condition that I get my diving certification though, plus I had to buy my own airfare. So it ended up costing me about $1500 to use my "gift". I've requested that he doesn't give me any more trips as presents. :)

1-10 of 26 comments 123 Last