Follow The Stir

Love & Sex

Say What!?

Is Your Husband (or Dad) Leading a Double Life With Another Family?

by Aunt Becky on November 29, 2012 at 5:54 PM

Back before the world made sense and I was a wee teenager, my very best friend in the world sat me down one night, which immediately raised my hackles because we were more the prankster type than the "let's have a deep conversation" type.

"Becky," she said, her voice low, even though we were all the way up in her bedroom having a sleepover. "I think my dad has another family."

I choked a little bit on the Diet Coke I was drinking and stared at her, my eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"You're joking, right?" I asked in stunned disbelief. My parents may not have always had the best relationship, but I couldn't imagine any half-siblings running around out there.

She shook her head no, her shoulders slumped.

"How do you know?" I asked incredulously.

"Well," she confessed to me after taking a huge breath, "you probably think I'm crazy for this, but last night, the house phone rang. I thought it was you, so I picked it up."

I nodded, waiting for her to continue.

"I picked up the phone and heard my dad on the other line downstairs. Normally, I'd hang up, but I couldn't understand why he'd gotten the phone on the first ring. SO not like him."

I nodded knowingly -- my dad would rather gnaw off his finger than answer the phone.

"I should've hung up. I SHOULD have hung up," she began sobbing. I took her in my arms and hugged her. This MUST be bad if my bad-ass best friend was crying.

When she regained her composure, she continued. "There was another lady on the line, and they started talking about these kids like they were HIS. How can that happen?"

I shrugged, unsure.

"Then the lady on the other line got all into, 'when am I going to see you again? Our kids miss you!'" and he responded with, "Soon baby, soon. I just got to get [my mom's name] off my case so we can be together with the kids forever."

My mouth flapped open. Whaaaa? He had ANOTHER family?

"Then my dad goes, 'How do you like [my mom's old car]? Isn't it amazing?' See, Dad got rid of the car because it was 'too expensive.' Apparently he gave it to his OTHER family!"

She burst into tears again.

"Oh dude, I'm so sorry." I hugged her again. "Does your mom know?"

"I don't know," she replied, "but it's time to tell her. This can't continue. My mom deserves better than that."

And tell her my brave best friend did. The very next day. Soon, they were divorcing, and while it was the right thing to do, the fear of a man having another family has stuck with me since that fateful night.

Have you known anyone with two families? How did they cope with it?


Image via breahn/Flickr

Filed Under: cheating

Comments

24
  • Shandi80
    --

    Shandi80

    November 29, 2012 at 6:51 PM

    Never heard of anyone I know doing that. I'm sorry for your friend. :(


  • wamom223
    --

    wamom223

    November 29, 2012 at 7:21 PM

    I know a couple of guys that have done this.  The worse part is I told my friend what her man was doing and she didn't believe me no matter the proof.  When I say proof I mean court documents proving he lied about his name so he didn't have to pay child support.  She is in a different relationship now with a child and still refuses to believe her guy was living a double life.  I hate to say this but the women I know that have fallen victim to this type of thing have been women that refuse to live in reality.  They are the type of woman that always does the opposite of what is good for them or worse the kind that think they can change a man into what they want.  Most of all they are the type of women that think something like this can never  happen to them.  If you're scared of this there is a pretty good chance it won't happen to you.  


  • Hocke...
    --

    HockeyMomNJ

    November 29, 2012 at 7:22 PM
    This happened to my best friend as well. She married her high school sweetheart, a few years later their daughter was born. Everything was fine (as far as she knew). 4 years later, they had a son. 2 years later she discovered his other life. He had a girlfriend that he'd been with since their daughter was 3 months old. The worst part was, all their mutual friends knew the whole time, and nobody told her. He had a job that made him be away a lot. Turned out it wasn't only his job, and he had been practically living with this other woman the whole time. It was truly awful.
  • sunmo...
    --

    sunmoonandstar

    November 29, 2012 at 7:47 PM
    When I was pregnant with my second child a woman messaged me on AIM and well.. she had been with him for 2.5 years by the time I met him and began dating him. She knew everything about me and his family and friends all knew too.
  • IKnow...
    --

    IKnow0101

    November 29, 2012 at 8:17 PM

    my grandfather's sister's husband (did you get that) apparently had another family in the same town.  They would sit across from his "real family" at church.  Apparently everyone knew about it.


  • Cel7777
    --

    Cel7777

    November 29, 2012 at 8:50 PM

    I think there is a difference between a long-term affair and literally having another family on the side (per some of the comments). I've known people who cheat (male and female, honestly more female), but I don't know of anyone who actually has a secret family. Maybe it's just that big of a secret? Lol. Either way, ick.


  • wamom223
    --

    wamom223

    November 29, 2012 at 9:00 PM

    Cel7777 you bring up a good point.  I was assuming secret family would indicate there are children involved.  The men I knew had children with multiple women and didn't want the women to know about each other.  The example I used was actually a guy that had four children from four different mother's.  He chose to parent the first two and tried to make sure they didn't know about each other and after that starting giving women a false last name.  I would count that as four secret families since there was deceit but maybe some one else would just label him a playa.


  • Tracys2
    --

    Tracys2

    November 29, 2012 at 10:02 PM

    I know of 2 men with second families. I'm related to one of them. They were both decades ago. The men had jobs involving travel- sales, I think. They'd "travel" away frorm one family when they were with the other, and vice-versa. Maybe it would be too difficult to do these days? And yes, each man had 2 wives, and 2 sets of children, and each left the family I know to stay with the other when they were discovered.

    There may have been more than 2 families involved, but I only know of 2. Also, back then (we are talking the 40s) the women didn't work and supporting more than 2 families is tough!


  • Bertha21
    --

    Bertha21

    November 29, 2012 at 10:03 PM
    My father almost did. Looking back at it, it was so obvious. He was NEVER home. NO ONE would have ever guessed it!!! Everyone thought he was this amazing, friendly, and charming guy. Well my mom knew, she just didn't know what to do, and cried in the shower every night. One day word got out that my father kept going to the same store almost daily, and was picking out dinner. My mom's friend asked her so how was the dinner your husband took home? We never, ever saw any of the dinners he bought. We were always wondering where his money went. Then, he got the other woman pregnant. Thank goodness she aborted.
  • tuffy...
    --

    tuffymama

    November 29, 2012 at 10:44 PM
    I think this might happen more than we could guess. When XH and I split up, I was a very young mom and had a roommate, a girl I worked with. She told me her dad had a secret family in Germany when she was little and her mom found out when the German wife died in a horrible, freak accident, and the he was summoned to get the kids. The callow bastard let them go to distant relatives they'd never even met. He supposedly didn't even see them after their mom died. My friend spent three years not even speaking to her dad after she found out when her aunt just blurted it out one day. But her crazy ass mom stayed with that jerk. I can't even fathom. People get up to some shameful shit.
1-10 of 24 comments

To leave a comment, log in as a CafeMom member:

Log In

OR, use our non-member comment form: