marriageThere is a war on men, ladies. Did you know this? And the reason is obvious, according to Fox News writer Suzanne Venker. We women have simply become too uppity and our men can't stand us. Oh yes, she said this.

In Venker's opinion, the feminist movement has left women angry and men feeling put upon and out of sorts. No longer can they provide for their women, now they are pesky "equals" and are no longer sure of their roles. This makes men not want to marry and leaves women out in the cold, wanting husbands and being unable to find them.

While Venker has a point on one hand -- the relationships of men and women HAVE changed over the years -- her conclusion is just hogwash. Any man who thinks equality is a bad thing is probably not a dude worth marrying anyway.

The changes to marriage are positive. They are great. They are the reason there are so many truly happy marriages today.

I have not seen statistics on this, so I only know anecdotally that despite a disturbing divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, there are some insanely happy marriages out there. These are marriages of equals, of best friends, of two people who both work hard to create a loving family based on mutual admiration and trust.

My own marriage is like this. My husband respects and admires me as a professional editor and writer. When I stayed home with our kids and he brought home the bacon for the first three years after we had them, I think he still respected and admired me, but I get the sense he "gets" me more now. It's just a fact. In modern marriages, both mom and dad can be professionals.

This is not to say that every marriage must work that way. Old fashioned marriages may fare just as well. But they are not better. And marriages of equals are not the reason so many men don't want to marry. I am sure there are at least 1,000 psychological and sociological reasons that may be true, none of which can be blamed on the feminist movement. Insert major eye roll.

Marriages are changing. The roles between the sexes are changing and while I do agree that some attention has to be paid to the beauty of the "feminine" versus the "masculine" and the sexy dance that exists between the genders, there is no evidence that independent women who speak their minds and work are the reason men don't want to marry.

Venker and her ilk completely misread feminism. I am a "feminist" and I also like to be feminine and sometimes let my husband feel needed. But he also knows I don't need him to survive. I am tough. I speak my mind. It's not either or. And we have a happier marriage for it. There is no one gender that is to blame for unhappy marriages. Any woman who says so is just out to ruffle some feathers and make a quick buck.

Do you think marriage has improved or become worse?

 

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