5 Things That Test Even the Best of Relationships

Love & Learn 9

happy couple

Regardless of what you may think, no relationship is indestructible. Yes, there are great, epic romances out there, but even the most solid relationships will have some form of kryptonite. It's not always a tragic, humiliating betrayal. Affairs aren't the only things that can cause a union to self-destruct. In fact, I think most romances fail because of seemingly innocuous, everyday annoyances that build up over months, years, or even decades. But all hope is not lost. Here are five sneaky relationship wreckers to avoid:

  1. Low self-esteem. Women have a habit of being self-deprecating. We constantly complain about all of our flaws to friends, family, and worse, the man we love. Sometimes it's an attempt to solicit a compliment (i.e., "No babe, you don't look fat" or "You are just as beautiful as when we met"). But for a lot of us, it goes beyond fishing for compliments. We can't stop obsessing about our weight or wrinkles and that is very unattractive to a man. You don't want him to change the way he sees you -- and this has nothing to do with that number on the scale. He didn't just fall for your looks, he was also lured by your coolness and confidence.
  2. Nag, nag, nag. Yes, you have a right to complain about things. He may not take out the trash like he's supposed to or ever replace the toilet paper roll, but resist the urge to hound him all the time. It's hard, I know. But complaining about it every day will only make the both of you miserable. Where's the fun in coming home to a night full of nagging. Yes, those little annoyances will still be there, but don't harp on them every day.
  3. Too much sex. That's right. Too much sex can be an issue if you don't have something else in common. I know couples that solve every argument with sex. Sure, it's fun, but there has to be something else that grounds the relationship. And it can't always take the place of talking things out.
  4. Meddling in-laws. The relationship is just between you and your man even though it doesn't always feel like it. Despite your mother-in-law's so called best intentions, her advice and suggestions can really overstep bounds. It can be the source of endless arguments if you start becoming angry and resentful of the unsolicited input. Try to set some boundaries -- tell the in-laws where their advice is appreciated and when it's best that you and your hubby handle things. Hopefully they listen. If not, move and don't leave a forwarding address.
  5. Kids. I'd argue that this is an even bigger stressor on a relationship than financial problems. Children are a ton of work and no one really understands just how much until they have little ones of their own. Fights about who does the most and who does more are inevitable. Try to work out a division of labor plan. Of course you will still carry the lion's share, but he should have clear responsibilities too and be prepared to give you a much needed break. 

What other things can hurt solid relationships?


Image via Angelo Gonzalez/Flickr

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tuffy... tuffymama

Pressure from friends! Ugh. It was a MAJOR issue in my first marriage. My fault for getting married so young, but DAMN, people need to stay the hell out of their friends' marriages.

We've dealt with my low self-esteem in the beginning of our relationship that caused me to question his motives and nearly drive him away. We also handled his intrusive family really well. Having a crazy monkey-devil-wombat-Rambo kid might have driven us apart, but since he really dishes it out to us equally, we realized we're stuck in this together. LOL. ;0)

stork... storkneedsgps

Nothing has tested my marriage like infertility

Angie... AngieHayes

Kids and our parents for us....

nonmember avatar Kelly

Depression. I lost my father right before our 1 year anniversary. I was in a job that was extremely demanding and made me become a miserable depressed human being. We broke up 2 weeks ago. The next day, I wrote down all of the positive qualities that I love about him and it showed me all of my negative qualities in myself. Still trying to win him back now that I've nailed all of our problems, which overwhelmed him because he was amazed I was able to figure it all out.

PonyC... PonyChaser

Alcohol. (or another addiction) No further explanation needed.

And Tuffymama, can I pretty please steal your incredibly awesome description of your child? Because I think I have his twin crazy-monkey-devil-wombat-rambo-kid sleeping in a bed down the hall...

kjbug... kjbugsmom1517

Kids depression and gaming have tested ours.

hello... hellokd87

His low self-esteem and insecurity have tested ours. Except, it's really just a matter of self-assurance. His low self-esteem doesn't change the way I feel, it only makes me work harder to make him feel as handsome & 300 Spartanly that he is.

nonmember avatar taryn rose

Having our own place has done a lot for our relationship. Its not the financial aspect since we have done really well with that but his family got really jealous of everything and that almost drove a wedge between us. Having the same job has been a struggle too because we spend too much time together.

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