I might have the Twilight Saga movies to blame for how I've been feeling over the last few days about my marriage. Well that and those darn raging hormones.
As much as I know that I don't live in a young adult novel, part of me wishes that my husband had the same level of lust, love, or "I can't live without you" feeling that is probably driving my recent Edward Cullen obsession. Sure, the fights have been on a steady decline, and we are actually laughing and enjoying each other's company.
But I have to wonder: Is getting along enough?
A long time ago, before I understood the responsibility of kids and family, I always hated the song Love the One You're With because I felt like it meant you were settling.
I thought that it was better to be alone then to be in a relationship when you're not in love.
But after marriage and kids, I'm not exactly sure what "in love" really means. I see lots of couples who hold hands when they're out, make romantic Facebook updates, or just express their love in a way that's visible to other people.
Does that mean they're "in love?"
Or is it when you feel like you couldn't go on without your partner, or you couldn't imagine life without him in your life?
I honestly don't know, which means I probably wouldn't know even if I decided to end my marriage and seek it out, unless it's this feeling or understanding that cannot be described in words.
And then the question is, am I willing to risk what's turning out to be a good life and my kids' happiness to figure out whether this is love? Am I even capable of that kind of love with anyone?
Probably not. But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes wonder if it could be different.
How do you know that you're "in love?"
Image via apparena/Flickr
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Comments 12
i'm not sure you ever really know... on the edge of ending with my boyfriend cuz of that exact reason. but I'm also thinking of staying with him in case we ARE in love. I feel like if the doubts become more than the not-doubts [...know what I mean?], you should end it. But even as I say that, I'm still not sure what to do. Sigh..... ugh ;(
To make a long story short (too late!); good luck, to us all . . .
I've been married 14 years, together with my wife for 16. It's easy to get hung up on feelings. The feelings aren't the same as when you first fell in love. But as someone above said, love is also a verb. I think as long as you still enjoy doing each things for each other, as well as with each other, the love is still there. It's just cooler, as it should be. Love ages, like wine (not to be too cliche about it). As long as I still want to cook her dinner, I know I'm still in love. As long as I still feel good about making her a thermos of coffee before work in the morning, I am still in love. That sounds like a very mundane kind of love, because of movies like Twilight, but I think especially as you grow older you appreciate these mundane things more and more. It's the unacknowledged acts of love that sustain us throughout our lives. So what about the passion you felt when you first met? Passion is like the flare of a match. It burns quickly, and usually burns your fingers unless you do something with it. Use the initial passion of love to light a candle. It will last longer.
Yes what Matthew said . . . 14 years of marriage and nearly 9 kids later. We've even survived affairs! But Matthew said it perfectly!