I might have the Twilight Saga movies to blame for how I've been feeling over the last few days about my marriage. Well that and those darn raging hormones.
As much as I know that I don't live in a young adult novel, part of me wishes that my husband had the same level of lust, love, or "I can't live without you" feeling that is probably driving my recent Edward Cullen obsession. Sure, the fights have been on a steady decline, and we are actually laughing and enjoying each other's company.
But I have to wonder: Is getting along enough?
A long time ago, before I understood the responsibility of kids and family, I always hated the song Love the One You're With because I felt like it meant you were settling.
I thought that it was better to be alone then to be in a relationship when you're not in love.
But after marriage and kids, I'm not exactly sure what "in love" really means. I see lots of couples who hold hands when they're out, make romantic Facebook updates, or just express their love in a way that's visible to other people.
Does that mean they're "in love?"
Or is it when you feel like you couldn't go on without your partner, or you couldn't imagine life without him in your life?
I honestly don't know, which means I probably wouldn't know even if I decided to end my marriage and seek it out, unless it's this feeling or understanding that cannot be described in words.
And then the question is, am I willing to risk what's turning out to be a good life and my kids' happiness to figure out whether this is love? Am I even capable of that kind of love with anyone?
Probably not. But that doesn't mean I don't sometimes wonder if it could be different.
How do you know that you're "in love?"
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