Women Who Don't Want to Get Married Don't Deserve to Be Judged

Love & Learn 22

woman alone

Much like having kids, marriage is not for everyone. However, that's a fact lost on a lot of people. It's as though being born a girl means you have been dreaming of your wedding day since the second grade. This couldn't be further from the truth -- whether your married cousins want to believe it or not. That's why I loved this recent tweet by Sarah Silverman: "When a woman doesn't want to get married she's a weirdo, when a man doesn't wanna get married he's George Clooney."

Amen sister. SO TRUE! Women who don't want to wed are not freaks of nature. In fact, some would argue they have made the more sane choice. 

First off, let me just say I love being married. I have an amazing husband. But I love being married because of him, not because I need marriage to complete my life in some way. I happened to meet a great guy that I adored, had a lot of fun with, and things grew from there.

Admittedly, some women never find that and others don't want that. Some women just don't feel the need to add wife to their bucket list. I have a friend who bristles at the thought of marriage. To her, it feels like more of a jail sentence than a happily ever after. It's not that she's opposed to commitment, she just prefers a breakup not involve nasty legal complications with bank accounts, property, and pets.

Even still, I know others who just don't believe in the institution itself. Why does a marriage certificate and religious ceremony mean so much more? Of course, it does for many people. Most couples opt for church weddings with a minister. But that doesn't necessarily mean you are less likely to split. We have all heard those depressing divorce statistics.

Another reason rational women are leery of tying the knot? All the complaints from us married folks scare them off. Unfortunately, we are more likely to bitch and moan about our husbands than sing their praises. Yes, marriage is hard, but I think the reason we're more open with our gripes is because gushing seems a bit too much like bragging. Especially if you are chatting with a single friend.

Is it any wonder some women don't want to wed? So why does society still treat them like anomalies? Why should we care? Gone are the days when girls went from their father's house right into their husband's. And thanks to adoption and sperm banks, you don't even need a man to start a family. We can be as independent as we need or want be. That should be something celebrated, not a choice women like Sarah Silverman feel they have to defend.

Do you think most women want to get married?


Image via Pierre Guinoiseau/Flickr

marriage, single moms


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bleed... bleedingheart8D

I have a dear aunt who dated here and there a bit, but the whole marriage and babies thing is something she never had any interest in. It might have to do with the fact that everyone used her as their sitter for years.

Valerie Valle

i might, i might not.

Jespren Jespren

"But that doesn't necessarily mean you are less likely to split" um, yes, as a matter of fact it *does*. Cohabitating people split at a much, much higher rate than married couples do. It doesn't mean any *one* couple *will* split, but it does mean that all couples are *more likely* to split if they don't marry, or even if they choose to cohabitate before marriage.

Blues... Blueshark77

I don't feel the overwhelming desire to get married. My boyfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years and we're expecting our first child. We will probably get married eventually to make things neater on the legal end, but not because we need a certificate to show our commitment and dedication to each other. So many of my friends were married and ended up divorced after a couple years. My parents have had a long, happy marriage and his parents were still together until his dad passed away so it's not like we had a bad example of unhappy marriages at home, but we just don't feel much of a need to get married ourselves. To each their own. 

nonmember avatar Samallama

My SO and I have been together for 20+ years and we don't have marriage in our sights. Why do we need a piece of paper?

The only weird part I can think of atm is it can be kind of odd to call a man I've been with for over 20 years my boyfriend. That's why I just call him my SO.

Tanya Eben

I sit on the fence about it. I want it but I think it may depend on the partner. When one guy I was dating and I started talking about marriage, I mentioned that I may want a prenup to protect myself and my son in the event of a divorce. After that, he no longer wanted to discuss marriage. He had no issue with dating me, but he let it be known it would go no further. I didn't realize that he would be upset by the prospect after having been married to a 'golddigger' (as he called her) for 6 months and she wanting a portion of their family business.

Sarah Benjamin

+1 to this article!  There's nothing wrong with those of us who don't see kids and marriage as life's 'end game'.  Now if only I could get my concern trolling extended family to realize that...  As long as you're happy, it shouldn't matter if your happiness comes from a non-societally conventional source.

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