Penis Size Really, Really, Truly Matters -- Really

This Just In 33

size does matter
You got that right, Hoss.
Some enterprising Scottish researchers decided to study the sexual appetites of 323 women and discovered, interestingly enough, that size does matter. Women who achieved orgasm did so with more ease if their partner had a penis length of over 5.8 inches. The longer the ding-a-ling, the more stimulation the vagina and the cervix get, the more fun everyone's having.

So all that so-called internal anxiety about dick size? Ha ha, it's real. Size matters. Big time. Guess we better cool it with our "size matters" jokes, huh?

I mean, since it's a real thing, maybe we shouldn't poke fun at it.

Psych! It's a mostly, if not universally, accepted standard that bigger boobs are better than small boobs, so welcome to the club, dudes! Now you, too, can feel like less of a person because of the size of your sex organ.

Here, in our club, behind door number one, we have some literature on how to get over your inferiority complex. Then there, behind door number two, we've got videos about how to deal with your genetic shortcomings. And way over yonder, behind door number three, we've got a plastic surgeon waiting to capitalize on your need to have something enlarged.

The good news for men, though, is that if you're Italian, Swedish, Greek, or German, you don't really have anything to worry about. Each of those countries has an average penis size of over 5.8 inches.

But if you're from the US, UK, Spain, France, or Russia ... your average penis size is under 5.8 (the US is 5.1 inches!), so ... yeah. There's that. Better go ahead and pick your door.

Do you think size really matters?

 

Photo via honu2005/Flickr

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