Whether we want to admit it or not (usually NOT, for obvious reasons), most of us have been in a relationship that has had issues involving intimacy and sex. It's not one of those things we like to talk about, but it's important that we do so that we can work through our sexual problems and realize we're not alone in our struggles with sex.
Here are some tips for overcoming common issues in the bedroom so we can move toward having a happy, healthy sex life.
1) Don't worry. Sex isn't part of a relationship that's meant to be super stressful, so do your best to relax about it.
2) See if you can figure out the root cause. This may be more complicated than a simple, "OH! It's because I don't have new undies!" but it's important to understand where the issues come from and why they're happening to you and your partner.
3) Be open and honest about it. The more the sex problems are allowed to sit gnawing at your brain, the more likely they are to fester, allowing resentment to grow and build. Meaning that the hangup, which may have started out as something fairly simple, turns into that ugly old elephant in the room that you can't get rid of.
4) Try something new. Whatever is holding you back may have an easier solution than you think -- like trying on some slinky lingerie, switching positions, or even changing the time of day that you get it on. There's no shame in trying something different and seeing if it works for you.
5) Put the "love" back into "making love." There's been a lot of controversy over the term "making love" -- what it means, what it involves, and what it isn't. I like to think of "making love" as being intimate. And being intimate doesn't necessarily mean sex - it can be as simple as holding each other and talking.
6) Go back to basics. As in way back -- like start courting each other all over again. Send sweet emails and gifts to each other to feel connected again, which is what matters. From there? Things can get pretty heated.
7) Head to the doctor. I know, I know, that sounds so scary. Telling your doctor you're having sexual issues isn't one of the most comfortable scenarios you can put yourself in. But it's important to rule out ANY underlying medical conditions before deciding your relationship is doomed.
8) Talk about it. Find a therapist - preferably a couple's counselor - to explore what might be causing the problems. Could be a suppressed trauma or something else that's interrupting your sex life that you haven't even been aware of.
Have you ever had sex issues come up in a relationship? How did you handle them?
Image via rachelkramerbussel/Flickr