Wouldn't it be nice if everyone came with a warning label, kind of like mattresses or cigarette cartons do? When you think about it, people can be just as dangerous as flammable, addictive, or otherwise warning-worthy products.
It would be great if men came with varying warning labels. Of course, women should come with them too. But I'm here to dish about men. I do not claim to have run into all of these guys-who-need-warning-labels. But I have heard about them (over and over).
Here are 6 warning labels men should come with. Preferably right where you can see them -- like on their heads.
Warning: I'm Going to Take Up All Your Fertile Years.
Let's face it, guys read. They aren't complete idiots. They know that women have a certain fertility window in terms of age and month. So if a guy isn’t saying, "Honey, shouldn’t we have sex this week?" or "Honey, you're getting up there. Shouldn’t we think about a kid before we need the three rounds of IVF?" -- then he doesn’t want a kid.
More from The Stir: 6 Signs You're His 'Faux-Girlfriend'
Warning: I'm Sexually Confused.
These are the guys who never seem to want sex, but somehow always blame it on you. You've gained weight. You wear sweatpants. Or they've gotten drunk and let it slip that, well, they've hooked up with men in the past. Or they’re attracted to men. Then, the next day, sober, they deny they ever said it, or they claim it was a "joke" or a "test." No one says they’re attracted to the same sex when they’re drunk unless they are.
Warning: I Don't Know What I Want, and Never Will.
This guy says things out of the blue like, "Wouldn't it be great to be a writer and live in Paris?" Only he never writes, and you can’t get him out of the country. Or he says, "Wouldn't it be great to move to Oahu and surf the waves?" Only he doesn’t surf. This guy doesn’t know what he wants, he just likes to throw up fantasies to keep him from making real-time, real life plans.
Warning: I Will Bleed You Dry.
This is the guy who asks to borrow money. All the time.
Warning: I'm an Alcoholic.
This guy gets so wasted on the first or second date that you have to help him home. Then he calls you the next day, apologizing profusely, and claiming he was nervous.
Warning: I Only Want You When You Don't Want Me.
This is the guy who doesn't call back, doesn't plan dates in advance, and generally acts very cavalierly about you -- until you dump him. Then he calls relentlessly and, with protestations and even some real tears, promises to change every single thing about himself that you’re not happy with. As soon as you cave in, he goes back to his old ways. He’s not satisfied unless he's chasing you. Rinse, repeat.
What other warning labels should men have?
Image via Carla216/Flickr