Follow The Stir

Eye Roll

Men Turned Off by Watching Women Give Birth Are Not Good Husbands

by Sasha Brown-Worsham on November 5, 2012 at 3:53 PM

child birth Child birth is a completely transforming event in every sense of the word. Our bodies, our values, our entire lives are turned upside down by this one tiny creature. But the one thing that hopefully remains consistent is our husband's love. After all, it is the base of the family and the reason these babies are in creation at all.

Writer Martin Daubney claims seeing his wife give birth put him off sex for a year and nearly cost him his marriage. The changes to her body and the act of giving birth to HIS son were so shocking, they made him no longer want her.

Well dude, here's a clue: grow up. My heart aches for his poor wife who probably has no idea that her husband is a flaming horse's ass. Well let me assure her: he is. There are plenty of real men out there for whom child birth is actually a turn ON (go figure) and I pity a man who feels otherwise.

Sure, child birth is shocking and it changes a woman's appearance, sometimes permanently. But it is also beautiful and special. It is a mark of the bond you share and a deeply intimate thing two partners share.

My heart breaks for his wife and the love she missed out on. Both of my births were so amazing, such beautiful and powerful experiences that brought my husband and I so close together. I loved him before kids, but going through that transformation together was SO powerful. I felt like he loved and honored my body in a whole new way. It's when we became a family for God's sake!

If he ever said something like this, I would truly question his character and depth. Because, really. Come on. This is LIFE. If you can't see that as the biggest turn on the world, then you are a blind, shallow person.

This is sort of like men who won't have sex with women on their periods. If you reject the very thing that makes me most female, then how can I possibly believe that you truly love women?

Having a baby together is a joint, powerful experience that is meant to be shared in love. The fact that this man can't see that makes me sad, both for his wife and for him. Open your eyes, dude. You are missing all the best parts.

Did your husband say anything like this to you?

 

Image via Tony Fischer Photography/Flickr

Filed Under: commitment, sex

Comments

21
  • Cass
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Cass

    November 5, 2012 at 3:59 PM
    Wow, this comes off as hippy-dippy bullshit. Guys have turn-offs and turn-one, just like us. I don't blame him for struggling to reconcile his previous image of sexy time with the new image of "watermelon squeezed through a toilet paper roll". It's sad, but it doesn't make him a horse's ass because he's not turned on. It's not exactly something he can control (without therapy, in this case). And if your period is what makes you the most female (as opposed to pregnancy or the more accurate "living with two X chromosomes), I find that a bit odd and strangely self-demeaning.
  • mande...
    --

    manderspanders

    November 5, 2012 at 4:13 PM
    Sooo...basically you're saying men shouldn't view breasts as sexual objects (as commonly noted on the stir) but they're supposed to find childbirth to be a sexual turn on??? WTF? of course childbirth should be a bonding experience between husbands and wives, but I would find a man who is "turned on" by childbirth to be a bit depraved.
  • jalaz77
    --

    jalaz77

    November 5, 2012 at 4:17 PM
    No my hubby was awesome. There is something wrong with this guy when this bothered him for a year or even at all. What an ass.
  • Barba...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Barbara Crudup Whitfield

    November 5, 2012 at 4:20 PM
    I don't know about all of that. I am a woman and a mother...although childbirth is blessed miracle. It is disgusting to look at. I do not think that men should be blamed because they are a little grossed out, if you ask many women, they are grossed out by it too. I would look at my husband like he was insane if he was turned on by childbirth...
  • Rebec...
    --

    Rebecca7708

    November 5, 2012 at 4:42 PM
    Did you actually read the article before you decided to rip into this man? I think not. If you had, you wouldn't see him as an ass. You would see a man that struggled with guilt over what his poor wife went through. He believed it was his fault because he wanted the child. He was terrified that it would happen again. This article makes you sound like a sanctimonious, judgemental tool.
  • Roadf...
    --

    Roadfamily6now

    November 5, 2012 at 4:52 PM

    I think you are right Rebecca, This man is not an ass but he too is suffereing from a Traumatic Birth. :(

     


  • Coral...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Coral Biron Karrass

    November 5, 2012 at 6:11 PM

    I have a friend who was so horrified at her breast feeding that she quit after a few days. He consistntly says things like "you don't know what it's like to see your wife get all fat" I think the way he behaves is repulsive and I would never marry a man who feels like that. My husband expressed and sense of acomplishment when I was pregnant with his children. He said felt kind of exhilerted that I was regnant with his children and he supported me in breast feeding even though due to a medical reason I was not fully successful at breast feeding. When I gave birth to our second daughter with no pain killers he expressed he felt a huge sense of pride for me. No one is saying they have to get "turned on" by it but there are other positive emotions men can feel associated with pregnancy/child birth/childcare. Oh and he still remains attracted to me even though I got all fat. My husband is not perfect but he's not an ass hat who acts like I'm a repulsive person and ruined because I've had his children.


  • mande...
    --

    manderspanders

    November 5, 2012 at 6:26 PM

    I don't think most men act like "ass hats" just because their wife got pregnant and gained weight.  Most women (most normal women, anyway) are average to plus size and our men must accept us as we are anyway... so I really don't think the post-pregnancy body affects that to a large degree.  At any rate, the blogger says that husbands should be "turned on" by child birth,  and the fact that she paraphrases a man saying he couldn't have sex for year because he was "turned off" by childbirth  says to me that the expectation isn't just with bonding/positive emotions from pregancy and childbirth... she is saying that, men especially, creating life should be a huge turn on... Ya know, childbirth is messy, ugly, sometimes traumatic, and always hard - just because it is the act of bringing your creation into the world doesn't mean that men should find that to be a "turn on".


  • singe...
    -- Nonmember comment from

    singer825

    November 5, 2012 at 6:46 PM
    Say what? I have to echo Rebecca, did the author even read Martin's article??? His wife had a very traumatic birth that left her physically a shadow of her former self. Not just because her nipples looked different and she had a belly, she suffered long lasting pain and back problems. He was anti-sex because he was terrified of putting her through that again. Let's not pretend that childbirth is this magical moment from start to finish for every woman. It isn't. Some labor for only a matter of hours and some labor in sheer agony for days, like Martin's wife. You expect him to magically wipe the visual of his wife in pain screaming, crying, and bleeding for 3 days out of his head?? Newsflash #1, seeing someone you love in pain is traumatic! Newsflash #2, men have feelings! We spend way too much time wishing men would open up to be blasting Martin for doing just that just because it's something you don't want to hear. Shameful.
  • singe...
    -- Nonmember comment from

    singer825

    November 5, 2012 at 6:54 PM
    Oh and btw, the only men that truly love women want to have sex with us when we're on our period idea is ridiculous. I don't even want to have sex when I'm on my period nor would I expect my boyfriend to want to. I guess that means I'm betraying my own gender or something.
1-10 of 21 comments

To leave a comment, log in as a CafeMom member:

Log In

OR, use our non-member comment form: