Child birth is a completely transforming event in every sense of the word. Our bodies, our values, our entire lives are turned upside down by this one tiny creature. But the one thing that hopefully remains consistent is our husband's love. After all, it is the base of the family and the reason these babies are in creation at all.
Writer Martin Daubney claims seeing his wife give birth put him off sex for a year and nearly cost him his marriage. The changes to her body and the act of giving birth to HIS son were so shocking, they made him no longer want her.
Well dude, here's a clue: grow up. My heart aches for his poor wife who probably has no idea that her husband is a flaming horse's ass. Well let me assure her: he is. There are plenty of real men out there for whom child birth is actually a turn ON (go figure) and I pity a man who feels otherwise.
Sure, child birth is shocking and it changes a woman's appearance, sometimes permanently. But it is also beautiful and special. It is a mark of the bond you share and a deeply intimate thing two partners share.
My heart breaks for his wife and the love she missed out on. Both of my births were so amazing, such beautiful and powerful experiences that brought my husband and I so close together. I loved him before kids, but going through that transformation together was SO powerful. I felt like he loved and honored my body in a whole new way. It's when we became a family for God's sake!
If he ever said something like this, I would truly question his character and depth. Because, really. Come on. This is LIFE. If you can't see that as the biggest turn on the world, then you are a blind, shallow person.
This is sort of like men who won't have sex with women on their periods. If you reject the very thing that makes me most female, then how can I possibly believe that you truly love women?
Having a baby together is a joint, powerful experience that is meant to be shared in love. The fact that this man can't see that makes me sad, both for his wife and for him. Open your eyes, dude. You are missing all the best parts.
Did your husband say anything like this to you?
Image via Tony Fischer Photography/Flickr
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Comments 21
I think you are right Rebecca, This man is not an ass but he too is suffereing from a Traumatic Birth. :(
I have a friend who was so horrified at her breast feeding that she quit after a few days. He consistntly says things like "you don't know what it's like to see your wife get all fat" I think the way he behaves is repulsive and I would never marry a man who feels like that. My husband expressed and sense of acomplishment when I was pregnant with his children. He said felt kind of exhilerted that I was regnant with his children and he supported me in breast feeding even though due to a medical reason I was not fully successful at breast feeding. When I gave birth to our second daughter with no pain killers he expressed he felt a huge sense of pride for me. No one is saying they have to get "turned on" by it but there are other positive emotions men can feel associated with pregnancy/child birth/childcare. Oh and he still remains attracted to me even though I got all fat. My husband is not perfect but he's not an ass hat who acts like I'm a repulsive person and ruined because I've had his children.
I don't think most men act like "ass hats" just because their wife got pregnant and gained weight. Most women (most normal women, anyway) are average to plus size and our men must accept us as we are anyway... so I really don't think the post-pregnancy body affects that to a large degree. At any rate, the blogger says that husbands should be "turned on" by child birth, and the fact that she paraphrases a man saying he couldn't have sex for year because he was "turned off" by childbirth says to me that the expectation isn't just with bonding/positive emotions from pregancy and childbirth... she is saying that, men especially, creating life should be a huge turn on... Ya know, childbirth is messy, ugly, sometimes traumatic, and always hard - just because it is the act of bringing your creation into the world doesn't mean that men should find that to be a "turn on".