The Other Woman Has a Good Reason for Wrecking a Perfectly Happy Marriage

Say What!? 50

Cheating husbandThere are two targets for hatred in the sordid storyline of infidelity when a man steps out on his wife: the up-to-no-good man who cheats and—unless she’s none the wiser that he’s attached—the up-to-no-good woman he cheats with. The reaction is almost involuntary. She’s wrong, he’s wrong, next page. But venom is usually reserved in especially large quantities for the mistress, for some reason.

My guess is because it’s easier to wag the finger of blame at the imposter and give the do-wrong male involved a pass for “being a guy.” Which is, in the minds of level-headed women, infuriating and quite lame because a gal shouldn’t be saddled with the Hester Prynne treatment simply because she's the female half of the pair of cheaters. Boo hiss.

But there’s an increasingly outspoken cadre of ladies who are emerging to tell their stories and proclaim that they’re OK with being the mistress. They don’t expect their jumpoffs to leave their wives—in fact, they don’t want them to. They like the stability of their arrangements but appreciate the freedom to do what they want when they want. It’s not “relationship” in the conventional sense, but they’re happy siphoning off someone else’s household, sometimes openly.

Take, for instance, this confessional post on Ebony.com, which is pretty interesting. It’s an as-told-to story from a woman who has been having an affair with a married man for the past 15 years and says she can hold her head high because she’s satisfied being the other woman. She’s tried relationships of her own, she explains, and has been burned and burnt out from the emotional devastation and disappointments of failed romance.

Fifteen years as a mistress, though? That affair has lasted longer than plenty of marriages. Sheesh.

The arrangement she has now allows her to go out and have fun and be catered to and doted on and do all of the things she might do as part of a real couple, except she doesn’t have the obligation to make it work and ask questions of herself like she would if she wasn’t the other woman.

To a degree, I can empathize with her disenchantment with finding that special man and getting married and doing the whole happily ever after thing. It’s so idealistic when you’re a kid, like she said. It seems so simple. Then you go through that first heartbreak, which is usually the absolute most devastating, and then the subsequent ones, which ain’t no cakewalk either, and lose faith in and surety about love each time. It chips away at you.

But that doesn’t justify the pure selfishness of cheating, the devastation it imposes on whole families—including kids who have nothing to do with their parents’ unchecked libidos—and the cycle of mistrust and heartbreak it creates in other women. It’s looking out purely for self and inasmuch as I can understand someone’s disillusionment with love and marriage, that doesn’t give anyone carte blanche to make innocent victims of the wife and kids who are none the wiser. She really isn’t doing herself any favors, either. Couch time for the homewreckers in 3, 2, 1…

Do you think the so-called "man shortage" is making would-be wives settle for being mistresses?


Image via denharsh/Flickr

breakups, cheating, commitment, love, marriage

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jagam... jagamama0710

Women who think like that are disgusting. The lowest of low. They don't even deserve to be called "women". It's called respect. Have some for his wife and his kids. Have some for the man. Have some for yourself

Angie Hayes

If my man cheated on me, I would make his life miserable not end it!

zandh... zandhmom2

If my husband ever cheated on me, I would not blame the women.  Yes, she should have respect for herself but if that is the type of relationship she  wants then she is having respect for herself.  The only person to blame is your own husband, no one else owes you any loyalty.  And no, I have never been the other women so that's not why I am defending them, which I'm really not but we now live in a society where every one is all about "me" so why is this any different? Marriage is something that many people no longer believe in and since most people no longer have respect for marriage even for themselves, why would they have respect for someone else's.

Reepi... Reepicheep.CSL

Both are equally to blame. I can see why the woman gets it worse though. She is woman, she is supposed to understand how the wife feels, she is supposed to know the rules and keep her hands off a married man.

Honestly, people who cheat on their spouses and people who cheat with married men and women are pathetic and deserve each other.

The woman in your story is disgusting and I hope the wife finds out so the marriage breaks up. Then her 'perfect thing' will come crashing down!

Tripl... TripleC14

The only people who have responsibility for a marriage are the partners who said vows. Someone outside the marriage can't "make a victim" of anyone. If my husband ever broke his vows and destroyed our family, he'd have no one to blame but himself for making that choice.

Billie Jo Evans

The fault lies with the married man, always. Yes, I woman may work as hard as she can to sleep with a married man, but that doesn't mean he has to give in if he loves his wife and family. There should never be any cheating as long as there's open communication.

Polem... Polemomma2010

I have no respect for a woman that knowingly goes after a married man, especially a married man with children. 


If they want to be the other woman, then try finding a polygamist where they are fine having more than one wife and the wife is fine having a sister wife.


But to go after a person who has a family, it's just shameful, disrespectful and selfish as hell.  Why is it that noone understands what happens when children are stuck with the bad end of the stick, along with the faithful wife. If you have children and a wife, you have made a big commitment and going back on it, dramatically changes the lives of the other people invlolved and hardly ever in a good way.


Men that do this are just as dispicable to me as the "other woman" who does it.  Especially if she know's he's a married man with children. Fucking homewreckers! They should be ashamed for what they have done.   If he lied to her and told her that he was single, that is a different story. 

MENSA... MENSAmamma

What?!? That's insane, there's no way that woman is actually happier that way than in a legitimate relationship.  How sad for her, and everyone involved.

hello... hellokd87

It all has to do with upbringing and what the husband actually told the mistress. Coming from a family where my dad's cheated on my mom since I was 2, a great majority of those women thought my dad was a) divorced, b) separated or c) single parent. It sucks, but my mom said that she felt it was her fault because they "hadn't done anything in years". It broke my heart to hear my mom saying it was her fault but sadly, when it comes to physical  intimacy, men are primal creatures and if they don't get it at home they'll find a way to get it somewhere else. Women are emotional creatures, if we're ignored or mistreated then most likely a woman would run to the arms of another man. So much blame can be placed on a mistress because of what the man tells them. However, if they do know, then they are vile creatures who need years of therapy. You'd figure growing up seeing that I would be bitter and think like these women. But I'm not. I believe in happy endings from the bottom of my heart and I am madly in love with my fiancee. I can't say I've emerged unscathed, but I can say that it taught me a lot about maintaining your relationship whether emotionally or physically.

nonmember avatar Lindsey

The women who have never had a husband cheat on them can say what they would do all day long, but if it ever actually happened I think 75% of y'all would change your tune! My husband cheated on me 3 times. I always said I would file for divorce and make his life hell if it happened and then when it did there were so many other factors I had to consider. The first time was right after we were married and there was no way I was going down without a fight, 2nd time, kids were involved and finally the 3rd time I was severly sick and didn't have the health to deal with it and finally filed for divorce. It's easy to blame the other woman but the saying "It takes 2 to tango" rings true! They both took part in it and both deserve blame. I don't agree with what this woman is doing but from being married to a cheater, I get how their minds work!

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