Penis Size Map Shows How ‘Short’ the United States Falls

cucumberIf you've had a craving for rain forests, untapped deposits of raw minerals, and gigantic penises, now's the time to head to the Republic of Congo. A new study ranked the world's countries by average length of erect penises and found that the Congo is home to the most well-endowed individuals. At 7.1 inches, their enormous sex organs put them at the top, just above the male populations in Ecuador (7.0 inches), Ghana (6.8), Columbia (6.7), and Iceland (6.5).

Wondering where the good ol' US of A falls on the world's penis chart? Get out your magnifying glass ... you're gonna need it.

The average penis size of an American man is 5.1 inches, landing them the 25th percentile, behind the U.K. with 5.5 inches, Spain with 5.5, and Canada (Canada!) at 5.5, as well. If you're thinking this is probably the first time Canada's ever beaten us in anything other than curling, I would say that's likely a good guess.

More from The Stir: Airport Security Makes Really, Really LARGE Mistake About Man's 'Package'

Poor Americans. So many huge SUVs, so many little penises.

If heading to the Congo really isn't your speed, you might want to consider a trip to Italy. They came in 6th out of 113 nationalities with an average length of 6.2 inches. Pasta, pizza, gelato, aqueducts, wine, art, romance, history, bucolic landscapes, ancient cities, and enormous baloney ponies? Italy really is a dream land.

The research was done by a professor at Ulster University and some are critiquing its validity, saying he got his "facts" from the Internet, but come on. It's a study on schlong sizes. Of course you use the web to glean data on this -- it's not like the professor took a ruler around the world and demanded men to whip out their peters.

But if that is what he did, I wonder if he needs a research assistant next year. I have all my shots!

Here's part of the list, just for reference:

Republic of Congo, 7.1

Ecuador, 7

Ghana, 6.8

Colombia, 6.7

Iceland, 6.5

Italy, 6.2

South Africa, 6

Sweden, 5.9

Greece, 5.8

Germany, 5.7

New Zealand, 5.5

UK, 5.5

Canada, 5.5

Spain, 5.5

France, 5.3

Australia, 5.2

Russia, 5.2

USA, 5.1

Ireland, 5

Romania, 5

China, 4.3

India, 4

Thailand, 4

South Korea, 3.8

North Korea, 3.8



Photo via ndrwfgg/Flickr



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nonmember avatar ChiliChowder

Wait... so up above, you say U.K. has an average of 5.7 and in the list it's 5.5... not a big deal (no pun intended) just pointing it out.

Now I'm wondering how this "study" was completed too... and if the next study requires volunteers to help measure. Hahaha

Lovin... LovinJerseyMama

I know a few men who should be moving to Korea and China soon lol!

Holly Knapp

I find the comments about Canada to be in really, really bad taste. Because frankly we've beaten the US at a lot of things, we're just modest.



nonmember avatar Michelle

You lost me at "baloney ponies"...HILARIOUS! And 7.1 inches? That thing must be scary as hell when hard!

nonmember avatar Janey

7.1 isn't super huge but it is crazy that it can be a national average. I'm shocked Ecuador and Sweden were so high up. Funny list.

eupeptic eupeptic

There's a map of penis sizes at the site I have linked below and one thing I've found to be interesting to think about is penis size vs. governmental stability. Penis size is related to the amount of testosterone in one's body during development (namely in the womb), and testosterone is also linked to aggression, dominance, and likely other alpha male qualities that lead one to being highly competitive against all others. Such qualities may not be what's best for governing large groups of people (compassion and empathy are a couple important qualities), and the result of this may be an unstable government. (There isn't a 1-to-1 correlation with the data and the stability of the various governments around the world as there are many factors involved in governmental stability and an individual's behavior, but there does seem to be some correlation there. For a couple examples look at Africa and South America - they have a lot of testosterone and they've had a lot of wars and instability over the past 40 years or so [I'm mostly just looking at the recent past since we have more information about it] compared to other areas...)

nonmember avatar shelly

Holy geez, 3.8 inches erect??? How does anyone...ummm...feel anything with that teeny weenie? I mean, wow. That's really tiny. And sad. Really sad.

Billie Jo Evans

Thankfully my husband doesn't fall under the average for U.S.A., lol. First time we got together he definitely shocked me *wink*

Angie Hayes

Well, at least it isnt a 3... thats like my pinky!

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