The Mystery of What Men REALLY Mean Is Solved!

LOL 7

If men truly are from Mars and women from Venus, that really does explain a lot. In particular, the language barrier. Clearly each gender has its own dialect and our translators are all broken.

How many times has a guy told his wife one thing in a casual, meaningless way, only to have it explode into a full-fledged argument? I'll let you in on a little secret, though. I recently came across a "Gender Translation Guide" that explains everything. It tells you what women "think they hear" versus what guys really mean when they say common things. Take a peek:

He says: I love you.
She thinks: Uh oh. What did he do now? I'm so going to kill him.
He means: You make my heart go pitter patter.

He says: Is dinner ready yet?
She thinks: What, does he think I do nothing all day? I just sit around watching TV and stuffing my face? I can't believe he's checking up on me, the pig!
He means: I'm hungry.

He says: Good morning!
She thinks: Yes, I'm bringing your shirts to the dry cleaners, doing your laundry, and going grocery shopping today. Stop hounding me!
He means: I just woke up and it's so nice to see your smiling face.

He says: Calm down.
She thinks: Oh, so you think I'm a crazy, lunatic nut job now? I can't think straight? I'm irrational? Well you're an asshole!
He means: I have absolutely no idea what to say or do right now.

He says: I need a drink.
She thinks: He's sick of me. He's sick of the kids. He can't stand living with us for one more second. 
He means: I can't believe my team blew it in the last 30 seconds of the game.

He says: What's the matter?
She thinks: Great, he thinks I'm always complaining about something or other and that I can never just be happy or let things go.
He means: Is this going to be a 10-minute talk or am I done for the night?

He says: Are you mad at me?
She thinks: He's totally mad at me. I wonder if it's because of last night or maybe he found out about this morning's fiasco. He's trying to get me to admit what I did ...
He means: You're acting really funny so I must've done something wrong.

He says: Do you want to taste my meatball parm?
She thinks: He's testing me. He thinks I'm a fat cow and should only be eating salad, but he won't say that so he'll trick me by trying to get me to taste his fattening hero.
He thinks: This is the best sandwich ever!

Do you speak a different language from your husband?


Image via greeblie/Flickr

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dirti... dirtiekittie

while i wish i could find these funny, i honestly get really tired of men being painted as such "simple beings" while women are portrayed as neurotic and overly complicated. it's a cute "haha, look at this book!" thing but honestly these kind of divisions ("women are from venus, men are from mars" and "we speak different languages") really just separate us more than help us understand each other. nobody is from any other planet - we all just need to learn how to communicate with each other as human beings. is that so hard?


i dunno, maybe this just rubbed me the wrong way, but all of these snippets were set up so that the woman looked terrible, and the guy was just a big doof going along with his base needs/instincts. maybe if there'd been some reverse roles in there i'd have found it funnier.

e.nic... e.nicole.w

I actually thought this was extremely humorous! I don't think anyone is from "any other planet" but it's true that men and women think about things differently and as much as it might rub people the wrong way women do tend to be more emotional about things. No, I'm not saying that's how it is all the time but it is probably true the majority of the time. My fiance and I haven't had these exact conversations with each other but we've definitely been talking about the same thing and thought about it 2 completely different ways. Thanks for adding a little laughter to my Friday! :)

fleur... fleurdelys3110

The "calm down" one is so funny! This happens to my boyfriend and I all the time; I HATE being told to calm down.

nonmember avatar blh

I love you means I'm horny. But men are not really so simple, and women aren't that insane.

Angie Hayes

Ha, your right, I love you so means I am horny.

MamaD... MamaDee83

I'm certainly glad that I'm not as crazy and insecure as the woman in this example is made out to be AND I'm also happy that my DH isn't as simple minded as the man in this article.

tbruc... tbrucemom

I thought this was very funny and obviously exaggerated but it is fairly truthful. Women overanalyze everything and men aren't overly complicated. I'm a woman and I know I do it and my boyfriend would agree with me about my male assessment.

nonmember avatar Katerina

1.What does it mean when a guy says you're hounding him? 2.What does it mean when a guy says you're like a little sister? 3.What does it mean when a guy says you get ticked off at every little thing? 4.What does it mean if a guy says you're bothering him? 5.What does it mean when a guy says you don't understand? 6.What does it mean when a guy says, "Hi, how are you?"? 7. What does it mean when a guy says that he doesn't ever want to be in a relationship because we might not be friends anymore, even if he has ex-girlfriends as friends already?

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