'90210' Star Says She Couldn't Say No When Friend Forced Her to Have Sex

Heartbreaking 16

When we think of rape, we tend to think of a strange man attacking us and threatening us with a weapon or with brute force, and then forcing himself on us. Much like the 73-year-old birdwatcher who was raped in Central Park by a deranged man who had a long sexual assault rap sheet. But there are many other kinds of sexual assault, and 90210 actress AnnaLynne McCord has spoken up about her experience with one of them -- one that, technically, wouldn't even really be considered "rape." But it is one that can be equally as traumatizing.

AnnaLynne recently asked the guests at a charity gala:

Has anyone ever been raped? Sexually abused? Not said 'no' when you felt you didn't have the right to? I know what it feels like.

She then told US Weekly:

It happened to me once by somebody that I knew, and it is a very interesting thing to feel that you do not have the voice to say 'no.' It wasn't an attack or anything like that -- I just had no voice. I did not know how to say, 'I don't want this. Please do not do this to me.'

AnnaLynne said the incident happened in her own home, and that her "hospitality" was taken advantage of. It's easy to sit back and scoff and say, "Well, why didn't you just say 'no'? Why let a guy take advantage of you?" But this type of thing is very common.

I don't know exactly what happened in AnnaLynne's case, but I've spoken to a lot of women who, at some point in their lives, usually when they are young, found themselves being intimate with a man and they only wanted to go "so far," but then somehow, even though they don't want to, they end up going further than they want. Or the man pushes them to go further than they are ready for. And at that point, for varying reasons, they feel as if they don't have the "right" to say "no." Women can still buy into this notion that they shouldn't be a "tease."

It's tragic when women feel they can't just flat out yell, "No! I don't want this! STOP!" Women need to be told they can use their voice at any time. And men need to be told to listen to that voice. In fact, I've read about men who also felt pressured into sex they didn't really want. Or that they felt that "as a man" they should want it, and what was wrong with them if they didn't?

It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to not know what you want, and to say, "This isn't what I want right now." It's not okay to have sex, regret it later, and then cry rape. But it is always okay to use your voice. The difficulty is in sometimes not knowing what you want your voice to say. And forgiving yourself for that.

Have you ever had sex when you really didn't want it?


Image via CW

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kelti... kelticmom

My freshman year in college, I was terribly sick one weekend. My boyfriend at the time snuck me into his dorm room so I wouldn't be alone. While he was at class, his roommate came in, and saw me in the bed. He pretty much said that if I didn't b*** him, he would tell the RA' s that I was there, which would have gotten me and my bf in serious trouble, as it was a Christian college. Between the fear if getting in trouble, feeling trapped and the cold meds addling my brain, I gave in and let him do what he wanted. I felt so dirty after, it led to months and months of depression. I finally revealed it to my therapist years after, and was stunned when she made me realize that he pretty much raped me. Yes, I made a stupid decision when I was 18 to sneak into my bf's dorm, but I had the right to scream and fight. It's something I've struggled with for a long time. I have a wonderful husband now who understands, and wants to find the guy and beat his ass. My hope is that other women will realize that they need to come forward about these things and stop blaming themselves and allow themselves to heal.

nonmember avatar sharon

All the more reason we need to teach boys that only yes means yes. No means no isn't enough. If a woman is unresponsive or goes limp its time to put your it in your pants and go home.

Amber Kevlin

Absolutely, Sharon, couldn't have said it better myself.

PinkJane PinkJane

That' s not ABUSE, it's not RAPE. If you just 'go with it'... then how on earth should the guy know you don't want to? It's called making a mistake/ regretting having sex... not abuse. 

nonmember avatar cory

I agree with pink Jane. The only way a guy knows that you don't want to have sex is if you say so. If a girl ask a guy for sex and he has sex with her because, for whatever reason, he feels he just can't say know, does that mean that the girl raped the guy?

nonmember avatar ChiliChowder

Definitely agree with Sharon. Anything but yes means the activity is unwanted and should stop. Sometimes people feel guilty speaking up because they were pressured or convinced that they should be doing these things when they really didn't want to. A couple people I know had this happen to them and I firmly stand by my belief that they were raped, whether anyone else believes that or not. Being pressured/coerced to say yes is NOT consent.

nonmember avatar ChiliChowder

Girls can rape too, so yes, if I guy doesn't want to have sex but doesn't outright say no, then it's still rape in my eyes. The two friends I mentioned in my other comment were both raped by girls who pressured them into sex before they were ready.

nonmember avatar blh

How is this abuse or rape?? Since she didn't say no he probably thought she wanted. Its rape if you say no and they don't listen. Even being pressured to have sex, which is sucky and a dick thing to do to someone, is not rape. EVERYONE has been pressured into having sex. Ever said "not tonight honey"and your husband was like oh come on please? Does that mean he raped you?? Lol and really when your doing stuff with someone how odten do they stop and say do you want to do this? I sure don't. If you're going along with it its assumed generally.

nonmember avatar blh

People need to take responsibility for their mistakes and not blame other people. I've had sex with a couple guys bc they pressured me, and I perfectly agree that they're assholes but it was my fault for not standing my ground.

Savannah Numinen

I had a similar situation...it wasn't rape it was intimidation...he was 6'1 and  I'm only 5'...I said no and his response was "I'm bigger then you and plan on doing it anyway so you might as well give in..." I'm no longer with the slime, I was in high school when it happened. I'm now 24, I'm married to a wonderful man (who wants to hut him down and beat his a$$), and we have 2 little boys. What happened was...well, awful, but I'm teaching my boys to be gentlemen...to respect women, and to listen when one says no...granted they're only 3 and 1, but I want them growing up to be respectful to women.

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