7 Reasons Your Mystery Man Doesn't Want to Talk About His Feelings

Love & Learn 3

Men. That word alone can make any number of us roll our eyes, laugh bitterly, or smile (if we've been fortunate enough to have found a soulmate). Men, they're enigmatic creatures. I wouldn't go so far as to say they're from another planet, but I would say that they can be incredibly hard to read.

Especially when it comes to feelings. While you're gearing up for a good old emotions talk, he's ... well, not. Why? And how can you get over that?

1) He's insecure. Most men are raised to be strong and brave, which means they're not "supposed" to have feelings. So when you want to talk about emotions with your guy, go ahead and reassure him that feelings are all valid - he's allowed to talk about them.

2) He's got trust issues. Maybe it was a bad relationship or three. Maybe it was his upbringing. Maybe it's just the way he is. Either way, he's afraid to bring up how he feels around you. Show - don't tell - him that you're reliable and trustworthy, by saying what you mean, doing what you say you'll do, and being honest with him.

3) He's afraid to hurt you. Sometimes, guys don't want to talk about their feelings because they're afraid you're going to be hurt. This one is up to you, ladies - you can't control him, but you can show him that you can handle his feelings like a big girl by not losing your cool and hearing him out.

4) You don't let him finish. Rather than hearing him out, you react to his first few sentences, then talk over him. Ladies, let him finish talking and wait your turn.

5) Some Most guys just don't dig talking about that stuff. Doesn't mean they don't want to hear YOU talk about it, so go easy on him if that's the case.

6) You ask loaded questions. Questions like, "What are you thinking about?" mean you MAY be (in his mind) trying to talk about the future, pressure him, or get a compliment. If he's thinking about astrophysics, this can make him stammer. So ask lighter or more pointed questions if you want an answer. Then be prepared to take whatever it is that he says.

7) You're constantly questioning. Most dudes don't want to be put through the third degree each and every day. Sometimes, ladies, you have to put those insecurities to bed and just let your man be!

What other reasons do men not want to talk about their feelings?

Image via lovelornpoets/Flickr

dating, marriage


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nonmember avatar Mike M

If you're unsure about the quality of your relationship and you're looking for information from him that will give you hope that your relationship is better than your fears are leading you to believe, and if the information you're looking for is not there he'd rather you just accept the relationship for what it is than tell you things that will cause you to become even more disappointed in the relationship. He's doing this either because he loves you and is not your perfect partner but he hopes that you will be more willing to accept him as he is (nobody is your perfect partner if you have unrealistically high expectations - nobody likes to be judged so don't be judgmental if you truly love your partner - being accepting is an important part of a healthy relationship), or because he wants more out of life than you are giving him and so he's thinking about finding someone else who is more rewarding to be with.

In such a situation I think it may be best to first focus on whether you both want to improve your relationship or separate if it is not as good as you'd both like it to be. That way there won't be so much pressure on him to conform to your hopes, desires, and expectations of the perfect man, and his knowing whether you want to save or terminate the relationship in the event that your expectations are not met should allow him to be honest and open with you (as long as you've both come to agreement about whether or not to save the relationship in the event of trouble).

nonmember avatar A Guy

Why don't we want to talk about it? Because its testosterone instead of estrogin, so we'd rather talk about things that are more up front rather than "feelings" (unless one of us thinks you're going to 'open up' if we get squishy). So what we would really like to talk about:

1) sports

2) cars

3) work

4) sex

5) sex with you (as in are you interested in the dirty with me soon)

6) sex with the hot girl across the room

If you want a guy that's a pretty concise list. It's not "shallow" it's the. Afire of testosterone.

If you want honesty and being up front, that is about as honest as it gets.

Some may deny it but that's reality.

A Guy

nonmember avatar NotTouchyFeely

A Guy nailed it, when a good looking girl shows up, the harmones take over.

Even if outwardly supressed the only softness we want to feel is her pink side.

That ladies is a chemical reality.

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