Ah, date night. It's not just a hilarious movie starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey; it's the grown-up version of recess.
Yes, we all love spending time with our kids, but every now and then, married couples need to remember why they got married in the first place.
A date night helps give couples a chance to enjoy each other's company without distractions. It can be a blast. It can be adventurous. It can even be sexy. Or ... it can be a complete and utter disaster that ends abruptly with a frying pan to the face or a night sleeping on the couch.
We guys have such a great habit of saying and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. We really can't help it, though. It's in our jeans. Er, our genes.
To help my fellow dads out (and to keep the couch comfy for just TV watching), here are 7 things you should never do with your wife on date night. As in never ever.
1. Ask her if she's really going to eat all that. You're on a date. You've been married a while now. It should be time to relax and unwind. Don't put pressure on her by asking her if she "really" needs to order that slice of cheesecake. Just shut your piehole and let her eat what she wants.
2. Get wasted. If you're spending your evening drinking, don't overdo it so much that you end up worshipping the porcelain god in the bathroom or, worse, passing out on the dirty floor.
3. Invite your friends along. Even if your wife likes your friends (a rarity, I know), and even if she actually says, "Sure bring Eric along," this is your night. Yours and your wife's. Just asking her if you can bring someone else is a total date fail.
4. Point out the ginormous rack on the waitress. Yeah, um, this one's self-explanatory. Yes, even if they are spectacular.
5. Spend time apart. Getting couples' massages can be relaxing and a wonderful joint experience. But just make sure it's a couples' massage and not each of you getting massages in separate rooms. Likewise, don't hit the mall and run off to look for movies at Best Buy while your wife is trying on clothes at The Limited. It's your date night. Save the personal errands for your own time.
6. Molest your cellphone. Your emails will still be there when you get home after your date. There's no reason to reply to your friend's text asking, "Wassup?" If you absolutely must check on the score of the game, at least have the decency to wait until your wife heads off to the bathroom.
7. Forget about it. Just like birthdays and anniversaries, if you forget that it's date night, you're doomed. If you already made plans with the guys, guess what ... you're canceling them. Unless your friend's couch is more comfortable than your own.
What's the worst thing your husband's done to you on date night?
Image via James/Flickr