Heidi Klum has finally admitted what Seal let us all know a few weeks ago: Heidi is "fornicating with the help." And I don't mean the movie. No, I mean the studly tattooed bodyguard Heidi has been seen everywhere with lately, including on vacay. The same bodyguard that Seal told TMZ Heidi was "fornicating" with before they separated earlier this year. And the same one Seal then backtracked on and said he didn't mean they were fornicating and something something, shut up, Seal, you're confusing us.
Anyway, Heidi told Katie Couric that she only started dating Kevin Cost -- I mean, Martin Kirsten after she and Seal separated. Maybe those two are not clear on when exactly they separated? It happens. But this isn't about the he said/she said of Heidi and Seal. This is about fornicating with the help. I'm all for it. Here's why.
Let's face it, after a breakup, the last thing you want to do is get back out there and date. If I only had a dime for each time I or one of my newly single friends lamented, "If only a guy would fall through my living room ceiling!" But what if a guy was already in your living room? 'Cause he works for you.
That means no having to get online and deal with all of those horrible pick-up lines. It means not having to go to bars and meet a bunch of guys you'd rather gnaw your arm off than date. The help has one huge advantage: It's there.
The help knows you already. As Heidi said, she's known Martin for a long time; she trusts him with her children. And he's probably already seen Heidi gettin' real at home. No doubt he's beheld her in sweatpants, stuffing her face, yelling at the kids, and squawking, "Oh, hells no, Vicki!" at the screen. What, you think Heidi doesn't do that too? Anyway, the help knows you at your most ... relaxed.
Fornicating with the help used to be mostly the provenance of men, who would get busy with the maid, au pair, or secretary. But now women have realized the advantages of help fornication. Both Madonna and Jennifer Lopez opted for backup dancers after their divorces; Demi Moore dated her karate instructor for years after her split from Bruce Willis.
Additionally, not only does the help already know the true you, but you're paying the help. For women who may have had power struggles during their marriages, it could be nice to be with a man who knows who the boss is: You.
Would you ever fornicate with the help? Do you have any help?
Image via Pacific Coast News
I create a special savings account
I put a little away at a time
I cut corners until I can afford it
Save? Who has money to save?
I plan to put it on my credit card and love the benefits of the reward program