10 Guys Who Never Have to Worry About Me Hitting on Them

Rant 14

Just say noYou gotta love the male ego sometimes, so fragile yet so often full of itself. I am, at this very moment, sitting in the park, trying to show appreciation for my dear friend summer in hopes she will not allow sister autumn to send her packing too soon. It’s a luscious scene: frothy waterfalls, a canopy of green trees, and beds of beautifully landscaped pink and white peonies. They even pipe jazz through the speakers to amplify the relaxation quotient. It’s my favorite place in the city to write: just me, my laptop, my smooth tunes, and my little slice of Eden.

Being here makes me giddy and hence, even friendlier than I already am, so when I looked up to take in the prettiness enveloping me, I smiled at the dude who has parked his keister at the table next to mine. He adds zero value to the splendor around us, but hey, neither do I.

As I flashed him a grin of acknowledgment and said a courteous “hi,” he quickly averted eye contact and threw enough shade to make me believe, if I didn’t know any better, that we’ve skipped fall and gone straight to winter.

This isn’t the first time little discourtesies like this have happened. Actually, it’s not even the third or fourth or fifth. So allow me this moment to relieve the guys here in the fabulous metropolitan District of Columbia of what appears to be the presence of constant worry: there might be lots of hype about a man shortage in our community and there is a rank and file of chicks who are on the prowl for husbands, but that does not mean that every woman who acknowledges you wants your sadiddy tail. It doesn’t even mean that we find all of you particularly attractive.

Sometimes, believe it or not, we’re just being nice for the sake of being nice. Take it at face value and nothing more. As if.

We spend a lot of time fluffing and propping and building our boys up to believe they’re the best thing since the frosted cupcake, but there are dudes aplenty who are free and clear to breathe easy that I will never, ever try to kick off a pick-up line or pelt them with attempts to holler. I mean, I wouldn’t do it anyway—I’m just not that girl, no matter how many Cosmo articles I read—but I definitely wouldn't when it comes to:

1. The guy who doesn’t smile and acknowledge a gal’s innocent greeting on a perfectly lovely late summer afternoon.

2. The guy who’s more groomed and coiffed than I am.

3. The guy who doesn’t hold doors or offer seats to ladies in a waiting room or on public transportation.

4. The guy who wears those little manties when he’s out jogging or working out in public (scratch that—even owning them in general is a problem).

5. The guy who litters.

6. The guy who doesn’t like to admit he’s wrong and gets all in his feelings when he’s presented with information that proves he’s off-base and still refuses to concede.

7. The guy who doesn’t think a woman could possibly know more football or basketball trivia than he does (I’ve seen whole arguments break out over this one).

8. The guy who treats waitstaff like brown stuff on the bottom of his shoe.

9. The guy who has to think too long about the dates of his kids’ birthdays or how old the children even are. Deadbeat alert.

10. The guy who still thinks grabbing a woman’s arm and hitting her with a corny come-on is the adult way to make a love connection.

And again, the guy who doesn’t smile and acknowledge a gal’s innocent greeting on a perfectly lovely late summer afternoon. Yeah, he’s safe.

What kind of man would you never, ever, never, ever, ever give the time of day?

Image via NMR Photo/Flickr

dating, dating mom, hooking up, turn-offs


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

paren... parentalrights1

Lol. You can stand. They got those seats first.

the4m... the4mutts

Someone who's breath smells like he ate a shit sandwich for breakfast.

A guy who doesn't like animals.

Anyone *even just a friend* who says proudly "oh I don't like to read, its boring". Idiot alert.

Someone who looks/smells like they haven't bathed in a week. And I know the difference between a man who just got off work in the oil fields or some similar dirty job, and someone who just doesn't shower regularly. Yuck.

linzemae linzemae

The jerks that catcall. Really? You think that's going to make me want to jump all over you? Definitely not

Pinst... Pinstripes4

I don't need someone to hold the door open for me. Isn't there some kind of silent metropolitan rule for holding the door open for the able-bodied person behind you to receive it, so they could do the same to the person behind them? A guy doesn't have to give up his seat to me because I have ovaries either, but submitting one to the elderly, a disabled person, an uber pregnant woman, or a person with small children or a lot of bags is nice.

I generally get weak in the knees for common courtesy, non-mean humor, and liking the tv shows I watch. I'm with linzemae; I HATE catcalling. Huge dealbreaker.

Vicki Fry

Some guys you just can't be nice to.  My late mother belonged to a women's bowling league and once made an innocuous comment to one of the men in the men's league.  He smirked at her and said "I'm married, you know".  Sheesh!

AHowa... AHoward66

Ha! Manties!! Those things really are terrible.

Todd Vrancic

Pardon a stupid question, but what are manties?

dixie... dixiechick2

Yeah, what are "manties"?

Carmen Martin

I looked up "manties" and found a website that sells them.  Oh my goodness, I just about bust a gut laughing.

1-10 of 14 comments 12 Last