The 'Perfect' Age to Lose One's Virginity Is Different for Everyone

pretty flowerAs a mom, I look at my two children and I can't even imagine a time when sex will cross their minds. But I also know we live in a society where it's very normal and average for both boys and girls to start having sex around age 16 or 17. For some that is plenty old.

Personally, I think it's very young. Blogger Joanna Goddard brought this up on her blog Cup of Jo this week and admitted she was 20. The comments were surprising. Many others waited until college or even marriage before first having sex. After all those people's courage, I was bolstered in my own. I was also 20.

Honestly, at the time I was embarrassed. Everyone else was sexually active. I felt like the 40-year-old virgin. Now? I think it was the perfect age.

I was old enough to know what I was doing and I made an active decision. I turned down my high school boyfriend and some other guys I dated in high school and college because "I wasn't ready." So when I was ready? It was explosive. 

Now, 15 years later, I love sex and have only had positive experiences with it. My friends who started younger can't always say that is true. Of course, the key is really being ready. Some may really have been ready at 16 or 17. At least one friend I have first had sex at 14, and I know she would describe it as an overall positive experience and she is fine with the age she was.

To each their own, I guess. I hope that my children, when the time comes, both really want it. I hope it's an empowered choice they make for themselves no matter what age they are. If it is, I am sure it will be positive.

What makes me sad are the girls (and boys) who are pressured by their boyfriends or their peers into doing something they aren't ready for. If you can't deal with birth control, then you definitely aren't ready for sex. Period.

But there is no one perfect age. It's whenever a person is mature enough to want it and deal with all the consequences. 

How old were you when you lost it?

 

Image via mikebaird/Flickr

sex

28 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

MamaD... MamaDee83

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20, either. I don't regret anything about the way things panned out - I didn't go through my teens PLANNING on waiting until I was 20, but sometimes things just happen when they are meant to.

linzemae linzemae

I lost mine young but then I never slept with anyone till my husband when I was 19. I don't regret losing early, I was head over heels for that guy. And I only started again with someone I was head over heels in love with.

Flori... Floridamom96

Well, of course it is. It all depends on how old one is when they get married. That is the perfect time to lose one's virginity.

amomm... amommy2jack

This is a good article and I absolutely agree that the right age is variable and depends on any number of things.  I lost mine at 17 and I was ready and enjoyed even my very first time.  I wasn't pressured by my HS boyfriend at all, he left the decision as to how far we'd go totally up to me and I think that makes a difference in how you view your first experience as well.  My husband and I taught our son the importance of not being pressured (or pressuring someone else) into doing something he wasn't ready for and it hopefully helped him make the correct decisions for himself at the time (he's 30 and married now).  I sometimes think that the best thing we can do for our children is give them all the information and advice we can and then let them go.

fleur... fleurdelys3110

I love this article and I wish there were more like it on this site. I personally lost mine at 16 to my boyfriend (who I'm still with). For me, it was the right decision at the time because I was (and still am) in love and I knew then that I would be with my boyfriend for a long time. Many of my friends were shocked when I told them, but I knew it was the right decision for me regardless of what anyone else thought or said.

EmmaF... EmmaFromEire

18. Such a refreshing article, the message is a damn good one- it's right for you when you're ready for it. I was the last of my friends to lose mine, but i was so insecure about myself i'm not suprised but i was never worried about it. Anyone i have been with, i've been absolutely mad about them. I think that's when it feels right, when you're really, really into the person you're with.

purpl... purpleluv76

I was 16, and I wish I would have waited a little while longer. I did it because my boyfriend at the time was pressing the issue, and I was the last in my group of friends. My friends didn't tease me about it. But when the subject came up I didn't havemuch to say. I hated it the first few times. I didn't understand why anyone liked it. and I cried a lot. I couldn't talk to my mom about it because she would have flipped out if she knew I was having sex. Especially that my cousin who is the same age had just found out she was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time didn't seme to care that I wasn't enjoying it. Needless to say we broke up not long after. It wasn't until I turn 17 and had what I call my real first boyfriend. We were together about 3 months before we had sex for the first time and that is when I figured out why people enjoyed sex. I wish I would have waited a little while longer, and done it for the right reason instead of all the wrong. But I love sex now. Sometimes can't get enough LOL........But I agree I think that if a person is going to have sex for the first time, its for all the right reason, they are truly ready for it, and ready for the emotions after. 

lustfull lustfull

16 and it was bad,i was with the guy(lived with him for 1 1/2 sinc ei had no home at the time) i wish i had waited.


it wasnt till i got with my ex at 19 that i learned to enjoy it(although i got pregnant and had a baby at 20)it was nothing but fun,romantic and  goof at the same time(we learned to laugh at the mistakes).now i haev a new guy(im 20) after a year of dating and its the same way,the spur of the moments,the romantic nights,or even the i dont want to nights...


 


i regret my first time,i always will


 

nonmember avatar LizzieBorden

I lost mine at 16 to a guy who I'd been dating for a month; it was pretty lame. Wish I would have waited for someone better. The relationship of course didn't last for long, maybe 6 more months.

nonmember avatar B

I was 24 and it was my wedding night. It couldn't have been better. I have never had nor will I ever have a regret about sex.

1-10 of 28 comments 123 Last