Remember when Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James said that while her Christian Grey character "looks good on paper," he'd be a "nightmare" to live with in real life and we were all like, Duh? Perhaps having someone tell you what to eat, wear, when to breathe, and how to screw would be a relief for a bit, but after that, it'd be kind of, oh, abusive, wouldn't it? One woman, who signed a "slave" contract with her very own Christian Grey, finally realized what E.L. James has known all along. Being married to a Christian in real life is about as fun as getting a ben-wa ball caught in your throat. So the woman is suing her master/husband for divorce -- and abuse.
This real life Anastasia Steele is a 31-year-old woman from Padua, Italy. At 24, she signed a "slave contract" with her then-boyfriend, a guy who was 10 years older than she was. (No word on whether he's also a billionaire who drives an Audi.) The woman's contract promised total sexual and mental submission to her "master" (only, this being Italy, he was her "padrone").
A couple of years later, the couple married. And a few years after that, the marriage fell apart. Now the woman is suing her padrone not only for divorce, but for abuse. Is anyone else feeling a sequel: Fifty Shades of Totally Over It?
But let's get to the good stuff! The slave contractioni. Sayeth padrone:
The slave agrees to obey and to offer herself for the satisfaction of the desires of her master. The slave agrees to place her body at her master's disposition, to be used at his pleasure.
But it's not ALL about him! He does have feelings, you know. So he agrees that he will not subject his slave to:
Coprophilia, bestiality, asphyxia/restriction of breathing, branding by fire, any activities involving weapons, and any acts in general which could permanently mark her physically.
Well, that's nice! He also gave her a safe word, "Mario" (like the videogame?). If her mouth was otherwise occupied, she could bang her hand three times on a nearby surface.
Shockingly, none of this made the marriage a success, and a prosecutor is now deciding if the man can be sued for abuse, or if the woman merely got what she signed up for.
Ladies, if you want to play BDSM in the bedroom, go 'head. Have at it. But don't ever sign your thought processes and decision making over to someone else. That's not sexy. It's just pitiful.
The good news is this keeper is now single. He may not speak English, but perhaps "Mario" is the only word you'll need.
Do you think he should be sued for abuse if she signed the contract?
Image via MrBill/Flickr