20 Truly Bizarre Pickup Lines to an Online Dating Virgin

We Tried It 9

Online DatingBe honest with me: Have you tried online dating? I feel like it used to be one of those totally secret "OMG I CAN'T ADMIT TO THIS" things, and now everyone's meeting someone online. OK, maybe that's just what I'm telling myself. I have a tiny confession: I made my first online dating profile Sunday night. After a few glasses of wine, a friend and I thought it could be fun. So heck, I went for it.

It's ... interesting. And by interesting, I mean pretty entertaining. Mostly because in the last 52 hours or so that I've been a member of this one particular site, I've gotten more than 250 messages from men I don't know. All of them, hitting on me. I haven't been hit on by 250 men in my lifetime. Screw it, I haven't been hit on this aggressively EVER. Granted some of the suitors may be nice, normal men -- but most of them? Erm. Not so much.

I just can't keep this to myself. Are you ready for it? Check out 20 hilarious, real messages I've received online dating:

What you need to know: I mention these three things in my profile: 1. I love Billy Joel. 2. I could run for days. 3. In my spare time, I blog. Oh, and for the record -- all incorrect spellings and incorrect uses of punctuation are written as received.

The messages:

1. "I hate clowns."

2. "I can't run more than three minutes without coming dangerously close to a heart attack. Would you save me?"

3. "I luv Billy Joel my favorite songs would have to be the following: in the middle of the night, moving out, and that one about the uptown chick."

4. "Hi nie photo!!"

5. "Let me get a name to put with that pretty face. Hopefully you're not just a pretty face."

6. "I'm Jewish, over 6 feet, and have all of my hair .. I can cook you at least 2 good meals that you would love (grandma's secret recipe though)."

7. "Waaasssssssup cutie?"

8. "Hi how's your summer going? What do you think about fishing?"

10. "Your hair is effin' adorable! When are you going to ask me out?!!??!!? Kthnx."

11. "Sweet lord. I had a rough Sunday and I am paying for it today. (Name of place) gets W.I.L.D."

12. "Are you into 'Cops'?"

13. "Nice bum where ya frum?"

14. "What's good momma?"

15. "Want to go with my to my bosses cocktail party tomorrow?"

16. "I don't bite, I promise -- unless you want me to."

17. "I can cook like 7 different things in the microwave. I think that's pretty impressive for a monkey."

18. "I'm sure a lot of creeps have messaged u here, so what's one more?"

19. "You are very pretty but I'm not usually into brunettes. Have u ever died your hair."

20. "Is part of the reason for being on here to get more material for your blog? Because I imagine there is not shortage."

In summation:

I will never understand a man who thinks he can pick up a woman using horrible grammar and incorrect Billy Joel song names. Call me momma on first reference, you're donezo. Oh, and inviting me to your boss's house tomorrow? Yeah that's a big N-O. I'm good.

Have you ever tried online dating?


Image via naan/Flickr

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nonmember avatar Millie Fisher

I can relate to these all too well! I tried online dating for quite a while. I actually met a few guys on there, but those relationships didn't work out for one reason or another. I have written a lot of entertaining blog posts just like this, though! It's definitely an interesting process!

lisas... lisasuel1

LOL! Some weird stuff on those sites!

noneya79 noneya79

yes I just signed up over the weekend to my first "online dating site" as well! And let me tell you, it's definitely an experience! So far, I've only found one guy that I find worth my time to talk to so far! :) 

butte... butterflyfreak

Not only have I done the internet dating scene, I met my (now) husband through online dating. We've been together 7 years, married for 4, with a 5 year old daughter. I gotta agree with you though. Some very weird folks out in the i-dating world!

nonmember avatar CrystalMP

I've had number 14 happen to me several times... in person. I'm not sure why guys think that line is even remotely attractive

cecil... cecillesmommy

I met both my ex and my fiance online! But I do agree, 99% of them are weird :)

Johnn... JohnnysGirl1967

I did online dating off and on for about 2 years. I also had several horrible dates that I can now laugh about. I was getting ready one day to delete my profile and........met my (now) husband whose mother had just signed him up with the site (without his knowledge)! She's now my mother in law and I'm married to the best man in the world!

Maken... MakenzieG

I have done online dating, but the best come on I ever got was a MySpace message: 


That was the sound of me spankin yo ass. 555-555-5555"

cherylam cherylam

I met my husband online, and we married after knowing each other 6 weeks. We've been married 5 years and been blissfully happy.

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