When people find out I married a guy I met on the Internet, I am prepared for the inevitable question: how could you be sure you knew the real him? In the age of Catfish, it's a fair question. But then, if you've done any Internet dating, you know there's one quick way to strike at least a few of the crazies right off your list.
Take a look at their screen name. Does it make you laugh? In a good way or in a "OMG what kind of nutbag loser would actually put that out there?" There you go. The Internet dating world is full of nutbag losers, and their hilariously awful screen names are like big flashing warning signs.
Not sure what I'm talking about? The Stir talked to some Internet daters and rounded up some of the absolute worst dating profile names they've seen on the Internet. Believe it or not, they're all real ... sadly!
Farmers Only. This site gives you just a little screen name space to grab attention, so you have to make the most of it. And these people did. Boy did they ever:
GitMeDun -- Hmm, wonder what he wants?
GetatMeBaby -- Ditto (note this is the female version)
PullingTeats -- Please be referring to a cow's teats, please be referring to a cow's teats, please be referring ...
YourHero -- Oh man, it couldn't get cheesier if it were a block of cheddar!
MaleDNAFarmer -- Is that like saying you like to sow your seed?
BakedFrogLegs -- Um, what?
Imhisforever -- Well, that doesn't leave much room for love, now does it?
SnotCat2 -- Yes, nothing sound sexier than your cat's snot.
SexySpazz -- Don't these two words mean the exact opposite of each other?
pickofdestiny4u -- We get it, you have a realllllly high opinion of yourself.
InsuranceSeller -- Dude, did you really just lead with that? No one's picking up your calls now!
fatbikerballs -- Turns out there IS something creepier than that pair of metal testicles hanging off the back of a pick-up truck.
YesYesOhGodYes -- Be warned: he's a screamer.
Creepy_stranger -- Isn't he the one we're supposed to AVOID?
Hurtone4u -- Nothing screams creepy control freak like this guy's screen name.
Needsisterwife -- Isn't there a site made specifically for these people?
BostonFootLover -- So does his fetish exist outside of Beantown?
hottestguyonOKC -- Clearly someone in need of some self-esteem.
Pootieboi -- What? Huh? Maybe we don't want to know.
muffinthumper -- The image. The image.
FyUoCuK -- Yes, we see what you did there. Doesn't make you clever ... or attractive.
Wasteofair -- Why not just name yourself "miserable a-hole" and be done with it?
Plenty of Fish -- This site doesn't just have screen names! You have headlines to play with. Behold what people have come up with in the extra space:
Not an Internet Killer -- Now THAT is reassuring, isn't it?
I Have All My Teeth/Hair -- Well, thank goodness for that.
Can you top all this crazy?
Image by Jeanne Sager