“Sex Confessions” is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.
Today's sex confession comes from Sue*, a 20-something married mom of one. She says she's in a great marriage, her husband is a terrific dad, and the sex is better than good. Only problem is that her man suddenly has an interest in getting kinky -- the kind of kinky that Sue doesn't think she can get down with. And now she's freaking out wondering where he is getting these wacky ideas and if she should go against her gut and give them a try. Read on to hear more about Sue's conundrum directly from her.
About two months ago my husband decided he wants to have anal sex. We have never had anal sex! I have always been very opposed to the idea of something going into something that typically has gross things coming out of it, so it was always hands off (and penis out) of my butt. This isn't news to my husband as we talked about it maybe once when we were dating and he knew I was not into it at all. It was never brought up again until June ... and we've been married for five years, so it's been a long time.
I turned him down when he wanted anal. But then the following week, he asked if we could try out sex toys. SEX TOYS?!?! We have never used anything except lube, so I was very taken aback by his request. What the heck?! Anal, then sex toys. Where is he getting this from. I said no to that, too.
Then a few weeks after that, he asked if I would tie him up, blindfold him, and have sex with him like that. Oh and he wants me to be blindfolded, too. No! No! No! No! No! This is not my thing! I will admit that I love vanilla sex. We have always had what I thought was the greatest vanilla sex. We have orgasms! We laugh! We have sex quite often, too. Why does he want to ruin a good thing?
He also is totally fine when I say no to him, but three new sex requests in two months are more than he's ever asked of me in this department ever. So I'm wondering what in the heck is going on with him. Why this sudden urge to kink it up? I asked him, of course, and he just said why not? Hmm. Why not? Why not? I don't know the answer to that ... except that I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I start doing these things he wants to try, he will always want to kink it up and we can say goodbye to our awesome vanilla sex that I am more than satisfied with. In other words, I don't want to fix what's not broke. But then again, even though he says he's totally satisfied, why is he asking for change?
What advice would you give our confessor? Should she try the kinky sex? Or talk to her husband more to find out what's going on?
Image via MadEmoiselle Sugar/Flickr
*Name has been changed.
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Comments 40
After 5 years he may be bored with what you refer to as "good vanilla sex". Honestly what he's asking for isn't overly kinky, it's just different than what you're used to. Maybe he's secretly reading "50 Shades of Grey", lol. I wouldn't worry about losing your vanilla sex, that's what compromise is for. I actually enjoy some of these things he's wanting to try so maybe you will too, just have an open mind and proceed slowly.
But the rest, what can it hurt?
If you don't like it after a couple times, just nicely tell him "hey, we tried it, its not my thing"
Blindfolds never hurt anyone. Just start with those. Maybe you ca wear one @ the same time as him, and explore eachother like that, beforeyou decided whether or not to progress into tie-ups.
But the rest, what can it hurt?
If you don't like it after a couple times, just nicely tell him "hey, we tried it, its not my thing"
Blindfolds never hurt anyone. Just start with those. Maybe you ca wear one @ the same time as him, and explore eachother like that, beforeyou decided whether or not to progress into tie-ups.
It's all about baby steps. Most people don't just hop on a bike for the first time and ride off into the sunset, you slowly acclimate yourself to new things in stages. It sounds like he is respectful about her wants and seems to be offering less adventurous options each time.
Where sex is concerned since it seems like he wants her to take a more aggressive role maybe just try a new position, then maybe just tell him to close his eyes while you're on top, then make a no touching rule (you can touch but he cant), then if everything is going well opt for the blind fold and bind his hands with a scarf. I'm sure he would appreciate the effort even if that is as far as she is willing to go.
None of those kinks sound extreme to me. I am having the opposite problem. I am ready to start trying things and my DH of 6 years is hesitant.
With no other knowledge of them then what was posted, I would say that she sounds a bit insecure. We all have fantasies and sometimes it is difficult to ask our partners about them. It could be with 50 Shades of Grey being so popular, he felt comfortable enough to start testing the waters on a few things. That or he found the Savage Love column and found the courage to ask his wife about a few things.
You don’t have to have one type or another type of sex. They aren’t exclusive. You only do what you enjoy doing. There are some people who say just adding in a blind fold is still vanilla sex. If she does decide to participate, I would recommend that she starts slow. Some activities can be enjoyed more if you help prepare your body. There is tons advice out there to get started.
A relationship requires two people, so your opinion isn't always going to be the over-ruling one. I feel it is a bit selfish to only think about what you want, without giving any sort of credit to what your husband wants. And just because he wants to try out different stuff doesn't mean he isn't satisfied, he just wants to try something new!