13 Signs You're in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Twisted 18

Emotional abuse may be one of the most subtle and hard-to-understand types of abuse out there. It's a form of abuse where the perpetrator uses fear, humiliation, and/or verbal assault to undermine the self-esteem of the victim.

Because emotional abuse isn't as clear-cut as physical abuse and is insidious, the scars can last a lifetime.

Being so close to the situation can make it even more challenging to notice and understand when your partner is being abusive. I mean, we all learned the adage "sticks and stones may break my bones..." Truth is, words can hurt -- very much.

Here are some signs you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

1) He wants to spend every waking moment with you, and expects you to do the same.

2) You realize that you now find yourself questioning every move you make - will this set him off? Will that?

3) If you're worried about setting him off, you find that you simply do not make any move. Easier that way.

4) If you do manage to set him off, rather than have a discussion, he simply withholds his affection and love, and may disappear for hours.

5) When you do something he doesn't like, he gives you the silent treatment rather than talking to you about it.

6) All the rules of your relationship are defined by him - and are subject to change at any moment.

7) He wants to know where you are at every moment of the day. If you're 20 minutes late coming back from the grocery store, he demands to know why and will spend hours grilling you about those 20 minutes.

8) Slowly but surely, he begins to isolate you from everyone who loves you - your parents, friends, family, work friends. It happens so slowly that it can be hard to notice.

9) You either have to share all social media accounts with him (including email) or allow him access to each of your accounts.

10) You realize you're actually afraid of your partner.

11) You avoid all topics that may trigger his anger.

12) You've begun to believe that you are crazy and deserve the cruelty your partner dishes out.

13) You're the one who's to blame for ALL the abusive behavior - just ask your partner!

What are some other signs of emotional abuse?

Image via lifecreations/Flickr

breakups, cheating, commitment, dating, lying


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nonmember avatar TheSimpleTruth

welcome to my life. :(
#6 defines my every waking moment.

Jenny... JennyG0929

I escaped this 12 years ago. Thank God.

nonmember avatar Mom of 3

Ludicrous to say that sharing social media and email access is a controlling or abusive thing. Our pre-marriage educator/counsellor suggested we did so. It's a worry for most anyone with a t.v., and sharing ONE more small thing to ease an insecure partner is a small way to take big steps away from a worry that IS realistic. Is this writer a D.r. of any sort? Other than that, of course, I wish this article told these brow-beaten, afraid-to-leave, under-appreciated spouses how to LEAVE this kind of relationship. They don't develop over-night, and by the time you get "there", it's hard to see the way out.

Jenniy Jenniy

They also get pissed when you talk to family and try and force you off the phone, then harasses you about how rediculous it is for you to talk to your family everyday.

Amanda Scott

Some other signs:

1) He convinces you that everyone around you is using you or doing you wrong. He is the only one treating you right.

2) You only get compliments when he's horny or sweeting you up after he acted poorly. Everything else out of mouth makes you question your self worth. Or you get backhanded compliments. My personal favorite was an ex who told me that he loved our conversations because I'm "so stupid that I make him feel smart. I love a woman who makes me feel smart."

3) He controls not only your time, but your clothes, your bank accounts, your assets, etc.

I'm sure there's more...

mande... manderspanders

This is my marriage to my ex. He also had borderline personality disorder. So not only was I subjected to the above situations, but he also behaved erratically (one minute you're the great love of his life and the next, you aren't worth dirt) and played mind games with me. I isolated myself because I felt like a failure and didn't want anyone to know. Keeping up the illusion became my identity; I did everything to keep the peace in the home and appear content to others. My own parents didn't even knot how bad it was. My ex was a cheater, a thief, and a liar. I gave him 8 years... And for as much of a relief as it was to leave, it was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

nonmember avatar Nimi

Obviously each and every sentense is true and especially 7th,8th & 9th one..

singl... singlemama74

1) Making you feel stupid on a regular basis and 2) degrading you in every single area of your life. When he does try to smooth it over or offers an apology it is on his terms of course.

Lucinda Boyd

its been 4 years since i got out of this kind of relationship. walking on egg shells every waking moment of the day is not what i wanted for my life or my children's. (from picking out what clothing i was wearing and how i did my hair, to what i made for dinner or what i watched on tv and how long i talked to my mom and friends, the dishes wernt done right or the clothing wasn't washed right and never folded to his liking the list goes on i never did any thing right in his eyes.) no woman should live that way. when i left him i was a shell of a human being and i will never ever be with any one like that again. i will help any one that needs out of that situation because i know its hard on your own.

nonmember avatar lolo

I have this in a father-in-law. Apologies are on their terms and if you don't comply...you are verbally negated. If you stick up for yourself, they preface their guilt trips into "well according to you this is emotional abuse, but i did this action for you, you must do this for me..."

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