First dateI’ve only been on a handful of dates in my life. I’m not much of a meter-and-greeter. I’ve pretty much had boyfriends consecutively since my junior year of high school, with largely dateless breathing periods in between. But the few times I have ventured into that world have been humdingers.

Once, I met up with a guy I’d vaguely known in college and eventually developed a back-and-forth flirtation with on Facebook at a restaurant. The conversation flowed and he seemed fairly witty—until he felt comfortable enough to admit that he wasn’t mature enough to not stare at my cleavage all night. Sure, he was honest, but it made the rest of the evening fairly awkward as I tried to scoot down in my hardback chair low enough to allow the tablecloth to rest upon my marked chest (which, incidentally, wasn’t even out on display).

Another time, I doubled with one of my besties in one of those your-friend-bring-a-friend hook-ups that pits perfect strangers in the most random of situations and generally makes for funny stories but rarely successful romances. You know, those. We went to the buffet—which, as you can tell, is already a set-up for a first date fail because who goes to the buffet…and uses a coupon? (Not that I’m not all for the buffet or the buffet at a discount but it just felt a little cheesy as part of an introduction.)

So good was his buy one, get one bargain that his friend, who had rattled a series of uncouth offenses during the course of the evening anyway, took the little cardboard teepee advertising the senior citizen special on Mondays and Thursdays and used it to dislodge the food stuck in his teeth, then, then, y’all, he spit it on the floor. Later that night, he asked my friend if he could come upstairs and cuddle.

Do you see now why I just can’t with the dating scene?

As demonstrated by those Princes of Charm, there are plenty of ways to send a first date nosediving into the crash and burn. Some are a matter of personal preference and opinion—I’d immediately be turned off, for example, by a dude who didn’t hold doors open for me and at least offer to pay, even though I’m perfectly cool splitting the check—but some are more general and across-the-board.

Essence recently ran a story about a dozen first date mistakes that a man will judge a woman for, and naturally girls on the singles scene should avoid. See if you agree with them and, hey, while you’re at it, share some of your own disastrous first date stories or firsthand lessons. Let’s see who can come up with the worst of the worst, especially since it’s the weekend and some of them might be fresh and juicy.

What’s your first date horror story?

 

Image via Foxtongue/Flickr