Men Hate to Talk and They Don't Want to Talk About It

Rant 13

man on phoneMen don't like to talk. Period. End of discussion.

I was seriously going to end the article right there. Like I really want to "talk" about not wanting to talk. But, well ... my editor has this way of shooting daggers with her eyes that can cut the wings off a fly clear across the room. Uh, I mean she's incredibly sweet. And super nice. And hi, Catherine!

So talking about talking it is. It's really hard to explain why men hate to talk, though, mainly because women love to talk so much. It'd be like explaining to a chocoholic that you just don't eat candy. Ever.

Here's a typical scenario. I'm at work crunching numbers on my computer when my wife calls. I of course answer, only to spend the next 20 minutes with the receiver stuck to my ear as my wife goes on and on about how Jason's 4th grade teacher Mrs. Small deducted one extra point from his spelling test so she must really hate him and then there was that incredible sale at the grocery store today where you could buy one box of mac and cheese and get a second box for 50 cents off and... well, I don't recall the rest because by this point, my ear canals have closed in on themselves and my eyes have glazed over twice now.

The phone is pure evil as far as we guys are concerned. When you're on the phone, there just is no escape. There is nothing to do BUT talk. That's why the guy who invented texting deserves a Nobel Prize. Now men can have quick conversations with their wives, at their own pace.

If only people came with a text function. Your wife can ask you a question to your face, and you can keep playing Xbox or watching the ball game. Next time you get up to go to the bathroom, sure, then you can answer.

See, women think men are hiding things. Or mad at them. Or plotting something sinister. But I'll let you in on a little secret, ladies ... it's none of the above. When you talk to guys and pass our listening threshold, our brain goes into survival mode and literally stops functioning. There's nothing going on up there other than wondering when your mouth will stop moving so we can get back to sitting on the couch and watching beach volleyball.

Hey, don't take it personally. Guys don't even like talking with other guys. That's why we're always hanging out at a bar watching some game or another. It's certainly not for the company. It's so we can stuff our faces with nachos and booze. After all, you can't talk if your mouth's full.

Why do you think men hate talking so much?

Image via Elvert Barnes/Flickr



To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

PinkB... PinkButterfly66

My husband is the chatty one in the marriage.  We'll be in the family room, I'm reading and he's on his ipad and he launches into a conversation and I try to read and respond with appropriately timed "ummhm." At some point he realizes that I'm not interested in the conversation at the same time I want to strangle him.  Ahhh marriage!

Todd Vrancic

Maybe people who don't like to talk are aware that they have nothing to say at that point.

nonmember avatar len

Really? My husband is a motormouth, and I'm a woman of few words. Way to stereotype.

Meg Moore

funny my husband likes to talk. in fact he says i don't talk enough and wants me to open up more. its our conversations when we first met he remembers the fondest.

nonmember avatar melissa

When you ' joked ' that you didn't want to even write this piece I instantly lost interest. Then when you continued to list the stereo typical male caveman crap I skimmed over it. You should stick to writing stuff your actually interested in instead of just writing xxx amount of words to fill quota. Is this type of writing what you want to be known for? Cause right now that's what your known for. See your name up there? Are you really proud to call this your work?

Puh lease .. this looks more like a paycheck ...not a passion or even a like. Damn you only wanted to write two sentences, do you consider yourself a writer even? Or a new breed of I don't care?

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

Are we supposed to be comforted by this? I mean, I get that men dont want to talk much, but saying that you'd rather us shut up so you can get back to Xbox or work really wouldnt make a woman feel special...or wanted...or appreciated...or respected...O.o

I usually like your articles, but this one kinda fell flat for me...Sorry :(

Zamaria Zamaria

Are you my husband? Lol! Seriously, he is exactly like that. He hates talking. Hates the phone. He would rather text than talk. He rarely answers the phone, I usually have to call, let it go to voice mail and then call right back if it's important to get him to answer. *sigh* it's irritating.

nonmember avatar kaerae

I'm glad the men I know aren't like Mr. Kardon. And seriously, @THE STIR editors, if you had to hire a male writer, how about one who didn't embody every male stereotype available???

jodie... jodieharp

I swear, everyone's cycles must be synced up on here if you're gettin all pissy about jokes, AGAIN.  Of course there's chatty guys and less chatty women, that doesn't mean the majority of men don't zone out after about 4 minutes of you blabbing on about "girl stuff".  It's the same amount of time it takes for me to zone out when my man starts going on about the NFL draft.  Calm down!

the4m... the4mutts

Andrews jokes aren't funny.

Its obvious he hates to talk, because his writing sucks.

Please Andrew, if you hate talking, stop doing it through your keyboard.

My SO thinks that men who don't "like" to talk, only don't like to because they're incapable properly articulating their thoughts in an interresting fashion, and I agree.

1-10 of 13 comments 12 Last