From the time we are teens, women are told about "blue balls." Sometimes it comes in the form of judgment -- "Patti Smith let so and so boy 'blue ball.' What a bitch!" Other times it's whispered confessions in the locker room. Every man has a blue ball story and every woman has a fear of being that one to let him blue ball. And yet, what about women and our clitorises? Can't we have the same physical reaction to a lack of climax?
The answer: yes we can.
Officially blue balls are defined as temporary fluid congestion in the testicular region. Mostly it's because a man became very aroused and didn't ejaculate. It can be very painful. But "blue clitoris" also exists.
This happens when a woman gets aroused and doesn't have an orgasm, too. She gets pain in the labia, clitoris, and the outer third of the vagina. But no one talks about this. In fact, I am in my 30s and I only discovered it even existed a few days ago. And yet, everyone knows what blue balls are.
This says so much about the way female sexuality is valued. The female orgasm is often considered superfluous and there are women in their 30s who have NEVER even had one.
A woman may not build up fluid like a man (but she also may), but the blood flow and the signs or arousal are all the same. Therefore, it makes sense that if she fails to "arrive," she may have pain and discomfort in her genital region.
No one cares, though. The female orgasm isn't the stuff of locker room legends and open discussions. A man who doesn't give women orgasms isn't frowned upon by other guys or considered a "tease." Well I propose we change that.
The female orgasm is a crucial part of the sexual experience. Women who don't have them often may say otherwise to appease men, but it's just not true. Would you want an ice cream sundae with only ice cream? I doubt it. It's all the toppings that make it so delicious. Sure, plain ice cream is fine, but if you order a sundae, you want the works.
An orgasm is the works.
We need to change the way we view the female orgasm. Clearly it's just as important for a woman as it is for a man. No more blue clits, ladies! We need to fight back!
Did you know this existed?
Image via stevendepolo/Flickr