Selena Gomez may only be 20, but she sure is grown up about marriage. The Disney star has revealed that she has no intention of marrying long-time boyfriend Justin Bieber any time in the near future. She says she wants to figure out her career first and wait to be older.
It's a very smart move for her.
The fact is, 20 is generally too young to get married. Sure, we all know the odd successful couple who married at 19 and made it through it all. But they are much fewer and farther between. Successful marriages usually happen after the age of 26 when a person has grown into a full adult and can make adult decisions like marriage.
The fact is, people today are staying "young" longer than ever. People often don't become "real grown-ups" until they are 30 and sometimes even older.
To me, the mark of an adult is someone who has accomplished something in their lives. If they are living independently, paying for things themselves, being responsible, and holding down a job, then they are a grown-up. But that doesn't take into consideration all the other things that come into play.
No one should marry before they "feel" like a grown-up. I married young for my region at 25, and it took a good five years for me to really understand what marriage was and how special it really was. I think about things I did at 26 and 27 and how capricious I was about our bond and I cringe.
It's not to say that younger people can't be more mature than I was. Certainly they can. My parents married when my mom was 20, and they had a long and happy marriage before my mother died. It is possible. But it isn't the "norm." On the whole, it's better to marry older because you have a better sense of what that commitment means.
Gomez's comments say to me that she is already well on the road to a happy marriage once she marries because of how seriously she is taking it. In the end, that is what we all hope for. If every person who married, young or old, took is seriously, there would be a lot less divorce.
Do you think Gomez's comments are smart?
Image via Eusebius@Commons/Flickr
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Comments 23
The reason people can't seem to stay married is because they are taught that their happiness is the most important thing in the world, and to jump ship when they aren't deliriously happy. Sorry, but a marriage is about 2 people, not about me me me.
I hate the ageism The Stir writers blatantly express day after day. There are people who marry in their 30 and still aren't mature or selfless enough to handle it. Just because YOU married at 25 and still weren't mature enough to handle it until 30 doesn't mean that I shouldn't have married at 20.
Thank you, commenters... what they said ^^! My father is 50 and is now on #4. Obviously age isn't the trick, it's the person and maturity -- seeing it's not about YOU and that *DIVORCE* isn't an option.
I think you should do what feels right to you. Nobody can measure themselves after anyone else. I got married when I was 20 and have been married for 34 years but that might not be right for someone else. Everyone is different.
Thank you puasaurusrex (quite a username you've got there)! Like they say, age is nothing a but number! Most people ARE mature enough to handle marriage by 25 or 30, so I don't know what rock you've been living under, Sasha. I think there is something seriously wrong with this statement: "To me, the mark of an adult is someone who has accomplished something in their lives. If they are living independently, paying for things themselves, being responsible and holding down a job, then they are a grown-up." Most of us accomplish things before the age of 21..hello?? Graduating college?! That's a lot more than a lot of other "adults" will ever accomplish! And given the current economic times, there are many people in their late 20s and even 30s living at home, unable to support themselves because THEY CANT GET A JOB, even though they are qualified for one. I think I've ripped this article apart enough, so I'll leave some fodder for the other commenters.
I think not. Everyone is different. And if someone wants to be a working mother, more power to them! But someone who finds a partner that agrees a SAHM is the best for their future family should not have to go through the motions of the working world just to prove to "them" *oh that elusive them/they who always say what we should do* that they're grown up enough to be married.
IMO YOU aren't grown up enough to be a mother, judging from most of the crap you write. Does my opinion matter to you? Nope. And it shouldn't. Just like you self important hypocrits here on the stir should stop trying to give life lessons.
Perfectly said the4mutts! The writers on here always use age or some other irrelevant "indicator" to hand down bunk advice and hypocritical "lessons".
LOVE it, the4mutts!! As usual...