Robsten in better times"All the trust is gone." According to a source, this is how Robert Pattinson is feeling about his (ex?) girlfriend, Kristen Stewart. Unless you've been living on Planet 9, you know Kristen cheated on him with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders. So it's no surprise these two are rockier than the Appalachian Trail right now.
Pattinson may have moved out of the home he and KStew shared together, but he is apparently mulling whether or not to give her another chance. Trust is integral to a relationship -- and probably even more so with a couple like Robsten, who both travel a lot.
But if they are truly dedicated to working it out, there are some things Kristen needs to do. Too many times, the cheater is remorseful, and cries and begs for forgiveness, and then both go on as if nothing happened. That might work for a bit, but then doubts, insecurities, and anger continue to arise.
Here are some ways to recover from an affair:
Cut off ALL contact. Kristen needs to cut off all contact with Rupert. That means no last phone call for them to have "closure." It means not one single text message. It means not being connected via social media. It means unfollowing each other on Twitter (if they are on it). These may seem like small things, but they are not. When you are willing to cut off ALL contact -- no matter how seemingly small -- with the other party, it shows you are serious about working things out. This could also mean Kristen pulling out of the sequel to Snow White.
Answer any questions. For awhile, Rob has a free pass to ask any questions about the affair, and Kristen needs to not get defensive and answer them as truthfully as she can. This might mean being totally honest about when the affair began, how far it went, why she did it, etc. Kristen does not have the right to say, "I don't want to talk about it, it's over." It's not over for Rob.
Don't play the victim card. Whether or not Kristen feels she had "reason" to cheat, she cannot blame Rob for any of it. If she engaged in an affair because she was feeling neglected, she can say, "I was feeling neglected," but CANNOT say, "YOU were neglecting me."
Transparency. Kristen needs to be totally transparent while trust is being restored. This means doing things she may feel isn't "fair" or infringes on her privacy. She needs to give all passwords to email, social media, and cellphone accounts to Rob. He may not ever use them, but when he's having moments of doubt, he can check them if he likes.
Therapy. This is an important one. The couple needs to enter therapy. It's not an option. And they need to do it BEFORE they officially get back together. Too many times a cheater will promise anything in the desperation of trying to get his or her beloved back in the fold -- but once that happens, they just want everything to go on as it was, and will quickly begin to back out of promises made.
Patience. Kristen and Rob have a long road ahead, and it will no doubt hit major bumps. Both -- especially Kristen -- need to be patient. It only takes a moment to destroy trust but it can take years to gain it back.
What do you think couples can do to recover from an affair?
Image via Pacific Coast News