You've heard it a million times: having a "friend with benefits" can be setting you up for betrayal and heartache. It's true. If feelings get involved, it can be nearly impossible to separate the sexin' from the lovin'. And that's no good.
But having a friend with benefits has enough upsides that it's worth a thought. Just please practice safe sex.
So here's a primer for making friends with benefits work for YOU.
1) Make it clear that both of you understand what you have is awesome, but it is nothing more than two friends having sex.
2) Always, always, ALWAYS practice safe sex. By that I mean, make him put a condom on. Because the last thing you want is a case of crotch cooties when you're just having fun.
3) Continue to keep the lines of communication open. That way, if one of you develops real feelings for the other, it can be discussed in an open and frank manner.
4) Having a friend with benefits means that you can really let loose and learn what you love about sex. Just because you once had a great boyfriend doesn't mean he was a fabulous lover.
5) It's liberating to have some fun romping around in the sack without strings attached.
6) You can explore your sexuality in a way that won't make someone you care about get all squeamish about it.
7) Did I mention no obligations? Obligation-free sex has to be some of the best sex out there.
8) Having a friend with benefits can be great fun. And we can all use a little more fun in our lives.
9) Without the emotions attached to sex in a committed relationship, you're entirely free to focus on the more carnal pleasures.
10) It allows you - yes, YOU - to learn about yourself emotionally. Maybe being friends with benefits isn't something you can do. Maybe you can't take having sex with someone you're not in love with. That's fair. It's also valuable to know the things you can and cannot do.
What are some other pros and cons for having friends with benefits?
Image via he(art)geek/Flickr
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Comments 17
My friend with benefits is now my boyfriend. We started hanging out after my ex moved out. It was a wonderful way to do something I enjoy (sex) with someone I knew already and trusted. About a year into it both of us realized that we weren't going out with anyone else and seeing each other exclusively. We figured out that both of us had feelings for one another and that was it. He's my best friend and I love him like I've never loved anyone else.
ive done it a few times im one of the few females i know who DONT get attached. SEX is SEX not to be confused with love. he had a GF so i knew hed never fall for me. it was perfect for how long it lasted. then we move on
I've had my FWB for over a year now. Neither of us want to be in a relationshipright now but we both need the good lovin. It works for us because while we care for each other we aren't in love with each other and we aren't sleeping around or breaking other peoples hearts because all we really want is the physical part of a relationship on an as needed basis. The list is true, you can explore your fantasies without worrying, sometimes its hard to tell someone you love your deepest darkest fantasies. With your FWB it's different, you set up the rules at the begining, explorative is usually a big part of that. People who don't like the idea have nothing to worry about, just don't have sex with people you don't have feelings for and make sure they have feelings for you before you do it. If however you can detach your heart from your sex, feel free to enjoy the pro's and not be having the one night stands!
I am married to my FWB. We both agreed on not sleeping with anyone else while we were doing this. The whole year that this was going on we were always with each other when he wasn't working. I had known him years b4 we became FWB and I don't regret a thing. He is my best friend and my soulmate. I love him more and more with every passing day. We are still right beside each other no matter whats going on. I go everywhere with him but work. I love having him by myside all the time. He is the most wonderful husband anyone could ever ask for and I have him all to myself. I have been married once b4 and he knows what I went though with that marriage so he does everything in his power to show me that I am where I should've been 10 years ago. We are all young once in our life and we all make mistakes and learn from them. I truly love my husband and everything he stands for!:)