10 Things You Need to Know About Having a 'Friend With Benefits'

Yum! 19

You've heard it a million times: having a "friend with benefits" can be setting you up for betrayal and heartache. It's true. If feelings get involved, it can be nearly impossible to separate the sexin' from the lovin'. And that's no good.

But having a friend with benefits has enough upsides that it's worth a thought. Just please practice safe sex.

So here's a primer for making friends with benefits work for YOU.

1) Make it clear that both of you understand what you have is awesome, but it is nothing more than two friends having sex.

2) Always, always, ALWAYS practice safe sex. By that I mean, make him put a condom on. Because the last thing you want is a case of crotch cooties when you're just having fun.

3) Continue to keep the lines of communication open. That way, if one of you develops real feelings for the other, it can be discussed in an open and frank manner.

4) Having a friend with benefits means that you can really let loose and learn what you love about sex. Just because you once had a great boyfriend doesn't mean he was a fabulous lover.

5) It's liberating to have some fun romping around in the sack without strings attached.

6) You can explore your sexuality in a way that won't make someone you care about get all squeamish about it.

7) Did I mention no obligations? Obligation-free sex has to be some of the best sex out there.

8) Having a friend with benefits can be great fun. And we can all use a little more fun in our lives.

9) Without the emotions attached to sex in a committed relationship, you're entirely free to focus on the more carnal pleasures.

10) It allows you - yes, YOU - to learn about yourself emotionally. Maybe being friends with benefits isn't something you can do. Maybe you can't take having sex with someone you're not in love with. That's fair. It's also valuable to know the things you can and cannot do.

What are some other pros and cons for having friends with benefits?

Image via he(art)geek/Flickr

hooking up


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

RobJar RobJar

I married my friends with benefits buddy. He is my best friend! We often joke that we are still friends with benefits, but better!

aReal... aRealteenMother

You basically repeated yourself over and over.

nonmember avatar FWB

I was doin the friend with benefits thing. We were spending every wkd together and any other time we could thru the week.I had to back off for a bit cause I was gettin feelings for him. We still talk and are gonna start hangin out some again soon. Guess I'll see how it goes this time around.

vamom08 vamom08

At some point of time in the middle of it all you will feel like your being use.

lustfull lustfull

emotions can get in the way

i find it hard because i feel ike im being used when he finds a girl or has sex with another girl

jessi... jessicasmom1

friends with benefits are fine when I am not married nor they are , or even in relationships with others 

nonmember avatar brittany

Iam doing the friends with benefits right now and I was the one that endes up getting hurt and having feelings idk what to do

nonmember avatar guest

call me a slut if you will, but ALL of my male friends are friends with benefits, and it rocks. being a single swinger is awesome. i'll never be monogamous again.


How does having a friend with benefits allow you to let loose and explore  your sexuality (#4 and #6)? You can't let loose and have fun if you have to use protection and you have to guard your feelings so they are separate from the physical part of it. On the other hand, if you are in a committed relationship you can do these things, which is just more satisfying than being a booty call.  

momav... momavanessa

I think having a friend with benefits is a stupid thing to do. It is just not right to me. You should be having sex with the person you love. Not some random person or friend!

1-10 of 19 comments 12 Last