We all have questions in the back of our mind about sex, and sometimes it's easier to ask a stranger than to let your friends know the crazy stuff that goes through your head. That's got to be why people are asking JoAnn From Bensonhurst all these sex questions, right?
Here are some of the questions she's been asked with her outrageous answers, translated into what normal people might say.
Question: "My husband wants to have sex in public places. I'm scared. Should I?" JoAnn's Answer: "What the hell, if it's 3 in the morning, park in a dark spot, whip it out, shove it in, get him happy, and go home." Translation: Try to find a way to accommodate your partner's preferences while honoring your own boundaries.
Read on for more hilarious questions and answers decoded and a video of the episode, below.
Question: "Thong, G-string, or bloomers?" JoAnn's Answer: "EW! The bloomers sound ugly! G-strings, I don't want something sticking up my ass rubbing against my ... thing and then I'm going to the urologist for an infection caused by myself!" Translation: Wear what makes you feel comfortable and sexy.
Question: "How big is too big?" JoAnn's Answer: "Sometimes it's never big enough, and if you can push an 8-pound, 13-ounce bowling ball out of there you can take in an 8-pound, 13-inch hard salami." Translation: Your vagina stretches.
Question: "My wife is never in the mood. How do I get her going?" JoAnn's Answer: "Surprise her! Don't tell her what you're going to do to her, just touch those magic spots. Like, when you start a car, you wouldn't just jam the key in. You got to lube her up and get her going!" Translation: Foreplay is important and crucial to women's sexual satisfaction.
Question: "My girlfriend likes the lights off, I like to watch, so how do we compromise?" JoAnn's Answer: "This is the easiest question I ever heard! Get a Clapper. You slap her on the ass, the lights come on." Translation: ?? Yeah, I've got nothing.
Crazy as JoAnn can be, you have to agree with her last piece of advice: "Live and let live, and love and let love." Amen, sister.
For more straight talk on sex, love, and more, subscribe to CafeMom Studios on YouTube.
Would you ask for sex advice from JoAnn?
Image via CafeMom Studios