7 Things to Say to Your Wife That Are Sure to Turn Her Off

LOL 30

no sex for husbandWhen it comes to getting it on, all the books point to guys racing from 0 to 60, while women need a lot more warming-up time. And while it may take a woman a little longer to completely get in the mood, there's one thing she can do rather quickly: get turned OFF.

Guys are the masters at saying just the wrong thing. It might be because we have thicker skin and generally joke a bit too harshly with our wives. Or maybe we're just missing that tiny chip in our brains that normally would say, "Dear God, just shut up! Do NOT say that to her!" Either way, we sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Want to learn from our mistakes? Then read on for 7 things that will turn your wife off from having sex with you tonight.

1. I thought you were on a diet. No, no, no. Never, ever mention anything food-related. If she's on a diet and you catch her elbow deep in a can of Pillsbury frosting, just smile and ask her if she'd like a spoon.

2. I had this crazy dream about you and your sister getting it on. Some dreams are better kept to yourself.

3. I was having lunch with an old girlfriend of mine and ... It doesn't matter how you end that sentence. The words "I," "lunch," and "girlfriend" are a seriously bad combo sure to send you to the doghouse for a week.

4. Did you see that tight sweater Cindy was wearing today? Yes, your wife saw it. But she really doesn't need (or want) to know that you're completely fixated on her friend's chest.

5. After eating those triple chili and cheese dogs for lunch, I spent all afternoon in the crapper. Sometimes TMI is a mood killer.

6. I can't believe you bought another pair of shoes. Don't you have enough already? Never, ever talk about a woman's weight, age, or shoe collection. Period.

7. The guys and I thought we'd hit that new strip club in town right after work. Yeah, after you watch young women shake their ta-tas, there's a next-to-slim chance your wife will be as accommodating.

What does your husband say that completely turns you off?

Image via Scarleth White/Flickr



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Water... Water_geM

1 wouldnt bother me..i like when he helps me lose weight..the rest are obvious.

Aeris... AerisKate

#5 is so funny and yet so true.

Bruic... Bruickson

Lol thankfully my husband hasn't said any of these to me......yet.

Lucre... LucretiaMcEvil

Spend money on some other bitch and I'll fucking dissect your dick with a rusty steak knife! AHHHHH!

Whitn... WhitneySM

"I thought you were on a diet"

My boyfriend does this to me all the time! I feel guilty enough that I'm cheating on my diet theres no need to remind me!

Evaly... EvalynCarnate

The strip club thing never bothered me. I've actually gone with my husband a few times. Its not like they're going there to screw those girls :-p

nonmember avatar Karma

And we say men and their fragile egos.

jalaz77 jalaz77

Haha!! These are funny. It's not what he says it's where his hands go with just a little peck on the cheek!! Love my guy but damn those wandering hands are about to be cut off.

pollo... pollopicu

i think men who go to strip clubs are slobs, and the poor women who enable and encourage such bovious objectification are pathetic.


There's a quote by Gloria Steinem that goes "A woman reading palyboy is like a jew reading a nazi manual". So true.


Just because it doesn't bother you, and YOU ALLOW IT, doesn't mean it's right. It's disgusting and trashy. Think about it. If he needs to see that shit, then you're obviously not enough, or you don't have the parts of the body the way HE wants it. That sort of sucks when you think about it.

Lucre... LucretiaMcEvil

If you think that all guys do @ strip clubs is look at boobs, then you are naive. So much more hours on there. I used to waitress at a strip club, and would see couples there. The next weekend, that same guy would be alone, getting a BJ in the Champagne Room.

Poor ignorant ladies...

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