Love & Sex

I hate breakup stories. It's not because they make me sad and weepy. No. Quite the opposite, they fire me up. It's just maddening, all the ridiculous excuses men come up with when they want to call it quits. Sometimes it doesn't even make a bit of sense.

A friend recently told me the guy she had been seeing the last few months bolted and I was shocked to hear why. First off, let me say this was a seemingly great guy. He was thoughtful, artsy, funny, witty, didn't live at home with his mom. He was the kinda guy who didn't creep out of your apartment in the middle of the night. The kind that wanted to meet your friends. Her perfect match -- or so she thought.

Well, one morning my girlfriend gets up to buy coffee, juice, and bagels for them. She comes back, puts cream cheese on his bagel, and tells him, "You must be starved. You should really eat this." His reply, "Gee, thanks mom." At that very moment, something in her knew he would NEVER call again. She was right. He never did. Apparently her nudge to get him to eat was too overbearing for the dude. WTF?!? Who knew a bagel and schmear had that much power.

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Here are 4 more ridiculous reasons guys dump their girlfriends:

1. After five months of dating, a friend's boyfriend was done after someone at a party commented how cute their kids would look. It was as if someone yelled, "Fire!" He couldn't get away from her fast enough even though she had never mentioned kids or marriage before. 
2. One woman I know got dumped because she cooked too much. That's right. She cooked too much. The guy said it was making him fat.
3. My former college roommate says her boyfriend lost interest after she cut her hair. He said it reminded him too much of a dude. Never mind the fact that hair does actually grow back.
4. A former colleague swears her boyfriend dropped her because they had different cellphone carriers. "He was always complaining about all the minutes he used up talking to me," she said.

Crazy right? But in all honesty, I think guys who come up with lame excuses like this are just looking for any reason to run, don't you?

What's the lamest breakup excuse you've heard?

Image via Jan Tik/Flickr