Relationships can be a wonderful slog fest at times and I mean that in the best possible way. When we first meet and fall in love, it's all wine and roses and bliss and love, but a few years down the road and a few kids in the mix, and it changes. Suddenly that which was once endearing about your beloved becomes difficult and hard to take. We can often find ourselves fighting the same old tired fight again and again.
It turns out celebrity couples are no different. According to reports Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis didn't fall out of love after spending more than a decade together. Instead, they got sick of fighting the same fight we all do.
It seems career resentment and fights over who does more at home built and built until the two could no longer take it. We have all been there.
The fact is, most relationships have that one (or two or three) sticking point that just never stops nagging at us. No one is perfect and most of us can point to at least one thing our partner does that just sets our teeth on edge it is so annoying.
But fighting the same fight, the same way, year after year, is not only damaging to our psyches, it's also damaging to the health of our relationships. We need to move past them.
But how do we do that? We have to change the record, therapists would say. That means we try to find a way to see things from the other's perspective.
In my own marriage, that means trying (and not always succeeding) to see how my husband feels instead of just how I feel when he comes home from a long day. Usually by that time, I have been alone with the kids for a couple hours while cooking dinner and putting out fires (both literal and figurative) and I need a break. Meanwhile he needs a break from the office and the commute.
It's hard and it doesn't always work and that isn't the only fight in our marriage. But with most marriages, if you can even knock out one regular fight, you can knock them all out.
No one wants to end up splitting over the dishes. But it can quickly become a rut. It's up to us to fight that constantly, stay vigilant, and change the way we discuss our issues.
How do you and your partner keep from fighting the same fights?
Image via ATempletonPhoto.com/Flickr