Couples Have Sex Without Orgasms on Purpose & Swear It's Better

finish lineI'll admit when I first saw that couples were practicing a kind of sex called Karezza that involves touching, penetration, and all the usual trappings of sex without orgasm, I was skeptical. After all, what is sex without the orgasm? Isn't that like a car without the gas? What's the point of that old hunk of metal if it can't go anywhere?

Still, after reading further, I may be a convert. The idea is this: sex has become too goal focused. When a person is focused only on the goal or the end of an act, they don't appreciate the act itself. They aren't in the moment.

We all know women who struggle to or can't get to climax through intercourse. This takes the pressure off both them and their spouses. Now they can just enjoy the ride (pun intended).

To be sure, it's a shockingly different kind of sex. I once knew a woman who said, "If no one is getting off, then it's a waste of time." I may have even agreed with her at one point (like, er, this morning). 

But I have an open mind when it comes to sex and I like the concept of trying new and fun ways of exploring intimacy. Goal oriented sex is kind of a male construct anyway. After all, they achieve orgasm on the whole faster and easier than women who often have many buttons to press and unique needs to their own personal end game.

Obviously not all women are alike and some will balk at this idea. There is no doubt that the orgasm is an important part of sex. But it isn't the be all, end all. Certainly going months without climax (like some in the article) is a bit nuts, but a week? A month? Why not? Why not try something new?

A lifetime is a long, long time (one hopes) and couples should look for new and improved ways to explore intimacy. If this seems counterintuitive, then so what? I am totally going to suggest this, and while I am sure my husband will be less than thrilled, maybe he will come around (someone needs to stop me with the puns). Seriously.

Would you try sex without climax?


Image via jayneandd/Flickr

marriage, sex


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Lovin... LovinJerseyMama

I've been having sex without climax since...well since I first started having sex lol. I've never been able to achieve an orgasm through the act of sex, so I don't know what I'm really missing out on (though I hear it's great!). Some days I sit and cry afterwards, some days I just sigh and figure it is what it is.

jharr... jharris109

I can see the point. Some women take a while to get "there" and some men are "there" in less than 5 minutes. I guess just taking time to enjoy what you're doing instead of getting to the finish line wouldn't be such a bad thing. I don't know that I could do it since I don't have a problem getting there first (most of the time) but it could be something fun to try out.

work4... work4mickey

um, how do you prevent yourself from climaxing. I'd really like to know. I get off way too quickly and then wanna stop.

nonmember avatar Jenelle

Dont know whats so new about it. Used to happen to me all the time.

Pivyque Pivyque

Interesting...*eyebrow raise* I may have to try this...not sure my husband will agree but it's worth a shot lol

nonmember avatar megan

Very rarely do I climax during sex, it's not something I would ever choose, that's just they way it is, and trust me it's no fun at all!!! And I am not sure my husband would even be capable of this!

Marnia Robinson

The concept of "karezza" isn't just about avoiding climax, and it bears no relation to sexual frustration where you're trying to get off, but can't. It's a conscious effort to engage in relaxing affection as a path to another kind of shared bliss. This idea, by many names, has been around a l-o-n-g time, in some of the most sex-positive cultures. For more see "An Uncanny Love Potion."

odessie odessie

Mee and hubby don't always during sex and we are fine with that. It just depends on the situation, but we go at it if we get a chance since there are children in the house and we know it brings us so much closer together climax or not. I have to stop him sometimes cuz I know I wont and know he wont stop till I do so I always let him know its not gonna happen and that is sam egoes for him he will let me know if I am rtrying to hard to get him off and it's not gonna happen. 

nonmember avatar April

I know im lucky and my situation isnt the norm, be jealous lol but i climax every time. My boyfriend does not. His goal is to please me and keep me happy, however he can.

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