Sex Confession: My Wife Doesn't Know I Had Sex With a Man

OMG 47

man in shadow“Sex Confessions” is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, and all will turn you on (well most). You might want to sit down for this.

Today's sex confession comes from Jim*, who has been married to Karen* for five years but a total of 10 years if you count how long they were dating. They have a happy marriage. Jim wants to stress that he is an extremely satisfied husband -- and that includes their sex life. He is totally in love with Karen, but there is something she doesn’t know about him. Back before they even knew each other, Jim had sex with a guy. He has no interest in men anymore. But he fears telling him wife. Read on to hear more of Jim’s confession.

There are two things I want to really make sure I get out. I love my wife. I don’t want to be with a man. I did experiment back in my early college days and had a heck of a lot of fun, and that includes me being with a man. I dated women then, too. With the guy though, it was just a one-time thing I did and I don’t regret it at all. I do regret not telling Karen. I have no excuse other than there just wasn’t the right time to tell her. It was never brought up. We aren’t the kind of couple who have shared every last detail of all previous sexual encounters or even know about all the people we dated. I don’t know how many people my wife had sex with before me, and she doesn’t know my past either. And I don’t care. All I know is that I’m in love with my wife, we are actually in the process of trying to have another baby, and I am very happy.

But since we had our first child a year and a half ago, we grew even closer. I’m sure most new parents can relate how kids really do test your love and commitment and for us, it made it all the more amazing. And that’s why I feel like me being with a man is something she should know. Something I should have told her about early on. But now, 10 years later, telling her feels like it was as if I was hiding it from her all these years. I want to tell her the right way. I don’t want her to feel I’ve hidden anything from her. I’m just worried that she will feel it was a secret I kept and it may upset her.

I keep going back and forth in my decision to tell her or not tell her.

What advice would you give this confessor?

*Names have been changed.

Image via erix!/Flickr

lying, marriage, sex secret


To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

bugaem bugaem

why would you want to tell was before you met her, she doesnt need to know. are you going to tell her about all yr women that you had before you met her too? probably not, cause it doesnt matter. don't tell, you didnt do anything wrong and dont intend on doing anything wrong. why get her worried/upset for no reason?

purpl... purple_creeper

This is aomerhig that if u were going to say something it should hve been done when u were dating. I would be disgusted.....but thats just me. You know your wife....think about how she will feel....think about it alot..

jenni... jennifer2712

Don't tell! All it will do is cause problems

nonmember avatar guest79

Sharing a secret like that depends on if anything positive can be gained from informing the person. I see no reason to inform your wife of something that happened over a decade ago and could potentially hurt her. Also, like the previous commenter, some women are completely disgusted by the act and you might end up in divorce court.

SoJaided SoJaided

Don't tell her. It's been soooo long now that it will just seem like you were hiding and than she's gonna think you had a reason to hide it, ya know? Some things are better left unsaid.

nonmember avatar Shelly

Well...I have a hard time believing a grown man would willingly have sex with another man...without being gay or bisexual. So, I think this man needs to be honest with HIMSELF. If he loves his wife, he would do that. Since this happened before her, I don't see anything but pain in telling her. Seriously, I hope he does some soul searching. I think he'd hate to end up that guy leaving his wife after 25 years, to be with a man.

Christina Reyna

Do not tell her, Unless you want/plan to do it again. In that case tell her the truth, and compromize get a toy and have her use it on you. 

Christina Lewis

If she loves him she will be ok with it. Most of us have had funy sex things in out past.Just because he had sex with a man doesn't mean he can't be a loving and faithful husband. Who knows maybe she has slept with a women...

nonmember avatar KA

There is no reason to tell her. This happened way before you met & unless you're carrying around a disease that she doesn't know about, then there's no need for disclosure. I don't know of every woman my husband was with & he doesn't know of every man I was with. I personally don't feel you have to divulge every last relationship - unless it's going to somehow affect your marriage. Let it go.

nonmember avatar ruthless1

Telling something like this might make you feel the expense of your wife. What is she supposed to do with this information at this point? How will knowing this make her life any better? It was in the past and deserves to stay there. Keep it to yourself.

1-10 of 47 comments 12345 Last