We all know fighting with your partner bites the big one. There can be tears, yelling, doors slammed, mean words said, feelings hurt, and then huge amounts of ice cream consumed. It's all bad. No one likes to fight. Well except those who prefer toxic relationships, and if you are in one of those, get out fast. But for the rest of us who fight with our lover/husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend, we want solutions. Ways to avoid these often unnecessary spats in the first place.
And the way to stop arguing is to identify what the most common reasons couples fight are. I came up with 10 of them, and at one time or another fought over them all. These are those little fights that can turn into big, stupid ones where you can't remember why you started fighting in the first place. I also came up with a solution because these (sometimes) silly arguments aren't worth breaking up over. See if you're guilty of fighting over these reasons, too.
1. Getting lost in the car. Of course he doesn't want to ask for directions. Maybe the GPS even led you down a non-existent road. Losing your way while driving has the both of you wanting to figure out which way to go ... and if one is wrong, blamo! That adds on to the tension already in the car. The only way to not argue here is to let your cool head prevail. If your partner is insisting that his way is the right way, support him. Be totally on his side even if you know his sense of direction is terrible. So what if you get lost? Instead of fighting over it, see it as an adventure.
2. Slobbery. Many men, and even women, have a gift where they cannot see dirt even when it's right in front of them. They leave drawers open and coffee stains on the counter and it doesn't faze them in the least. It's tough to live with slobbery when you are not a slob. It leads to arguments, which makes you sound like the mom yelling for the kid to clean her room! No one wants to have sex with their mom, so this is bad for lovers. Sometimes we have to accept slobbery, or bribe them with sex to clean up after themselves. Mom never did that.
3. How long it takes to get ready. My hubs and I used to argue over how long it would take me to get ready to go somewhere. This was before I had kids and didn't master the art of making myself (somewhat) presentable in two minutes because it took forever to get the little ones ready. He would ask me how much longer and I'd say five minutes. Big mistake. Five minutes later he's asking again and I was so busy rolling my eyes it took time away from me putting on my mascara. Solution? Never set a time limit for yourself and just ignore him with a smile if he tries to rush you.
4. Different shopping styles. I like to take my time, read labels, check expiration dates, and comparison shop at the grocery store. My husband drives the cart through the store as if he was a NASCAR driver. We have the same issue at the mall or any store. Shopping alone has become my zen.
5. The ex. Sometimes you can be a freak of nature and be friends with your ex and even have your husband pal around with the ex (I consider myself lucky), but other times, not so much. The past is the past is the past. We can't change what we did before we met the person we are with. So no use fighting over it/him/her. Instead stroke your partner's ego if he has a problem with your ex -- he may be feeling insecure over it and just needs a boost.
6. Not communicating enough. Some people frown over your partner not just being your lover, but also your best friend. I think that's key. And just like you communicate and talk to your bestie about all kinds of stuff, it should be that way with your sweetie, too. Besides sex, the two of you should have things you like to do together. So maybe it's not shopping, but find that thing that keeps you connected and talking.
7. Sex. Not enough. Too much. All too common. The only solution that I think really solves all of that is to just make out more. When we get cozy in love, kissing sometimes becomes a forgotten pastime. Don't let that happen.
8. One always thinking they are right. There's a name I have for people who always think they are right and go out of their way crazy to prove it to people. It's starts with an A and ends with hole. Nobody likes those people. Nobody wants to have sex with those people. Stop being one of those people. If your partner is one of those people, just laugh at him and don't say you are the one who is right because then you are being the one who always thinks they are right, too.
9. Bad habits. Sheesh. Habits are hard to break. So if you got together with someone with a habit you don't like, don't go fighting over it. Fight a habit with another habit. Just like with slobbery, sometimes throwing sex into a bribe works.
10. Resentment/Harboring anger over a past argument. This should be rule number one in all relationships -- don't hold grudges over something that happened last year or last week. So say your man left all his drawers open with clothes everywhere and it pissed you off, and you got angry and let it build with the time he insisted he was right and you knew he wasn't. Then you added it to being annoyed that he smokes so much and multiplied it with being annoyed over his ex Facebooking him. That's a recipe for a major fight and potential break-up. All of that? Not worth it. Don't build on past crap. Let things go more because that little stuff ... not worth ending something that's good in so many other ways.
Of course, if all else fails and all these things bother you so much all the time, then break up already!
Do you and your partner fight over any of these things, too? How do you not let it turn into a huge deal? Or are any dealbreakers for you?
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