Love & Sex

One thing we're all concerned about (sarcasm alert!) in the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes divorce is who will Tom indoctrinate marry next. You know he's not going to spend the rest of his life without a Stepford wife. I'm sure Tom's Scientology buddies will help him pick his next bride, just like they supposedly helped him pick Katie. But you never know. Maybe he'll just skip all that and read this post to get ideas for who to sign up marry next.

My advice to Tom -- which I'm sure he'll take (sarcasm alert deux!) -- is that this time he marry an actual Scientologist. This will negate all that confusion down the line when the wife is all, Woah, wait a sec, I married a whaa? And my kid has to get "sec checked"? And she's gonna Org on something? And -- later gator!

So here are 6 potential Brides of Tom, all of whom are rumored to be practicing Scientologists.

Catherine Bell, actress from JAG and Army Wives.

Pro: Catherine is hot, and she's got that dark, exotic look Tom seems to favor, what with having dated Sofia Vergara and Penelope Cruz.

Con: Catherine is 43, way too old for Tom, considering his seeming inability to remain married to anyone over 33. Plus, she's still married, though supposedly separated.

Elizabeth Moss, plays Peggy on Mad Men.

Pro: Elizabeth is adorable. She's divorced from comedian Fred Armisten.

Con: Elizabeth has said about her ex-husband, "The greatest impression he does is of a normal person." Er, so that might mean she wants a real normal person this time around. Next!

Erika Christensen, actress from Parenthood.

Pro: Erika's parents raised her as a Scientologist, so there's probably nothing that the church or Tom could throw at her that would surprise her.

Con: She's 29. Only four years left. Tick tock!

Laura Prepon, actress from That '70s Show and Are You There, Chelsea?

Pro: Laura is beautiful and successful, but not more successful than Tom himself, of course.

Con: She just seems WAY too cool for Tom.

Rachel Miner, actress from Sex & The City, Guiding Light, and Broadway.

Pro: Rachel's career could also use a boost, just as Katie's and Nicole's did when they married Tom. Also, she was once married to former child actor Macaulay Culkin, which means she knows what it's like to be the wife of a very strange dude.

Con: She's 31. Not sure if Tom does two-year contracts.

Peaches Geldof, British model and TV hostess.

Pro: Peaches is used to bizarre and tragic scenarios -- such as the death of her mother, Paula Yates, from a heroin overdose, and the suicide of her half-sister's father, INXS frontman Michael Hutchence. Being married to Tom should be a breeze.

Con: She's married already. But at 23, this could end soon -- and she'd still have quite a few years left over before hitting the magic number 33. I think we have a winner!

Who do you think should marry Tom next?

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