6 Single Scientologist Babes Who Could Be Tom Cruise's Next Bride

LOL 7

Tom CruiseOne thing we're all concerned about (sarcasm alert!) in the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes divorce is who will Tom indoctrinate marry next. You know he's not going to spend the rest of his life without a Stepford wife. I'm sure Tom's Scientology buddies will help him pick his next bride, just like they supposedly helped him pick Katie. But you never know. Maybe he'll just skip all that and read this post to get ideas for who to sign up marry next.

My advice to Tom -- which I'm sure he'll take (sarcasm alert deux!) -- is that this time he marry an actual Scientologist. This will negate all that confusion down the line when the wife is all, Woah, wait a sec, I married a whaa? And my kid has to get "sec checked"? And she's gonna Org on something? And -- later gator!

So here are 6 potential Brides of Tom, all of whom are rumored to be practicing Scientologists.

Catherine Bell, actress from JAG and Army Wives.

Pro: Catherine is hot, and she's got that dark, exotic look Tom seems to favor, what with having dated Sofia Vergara and Penelope Cruz.

Con: Catherine is 43, way too old for Tom, considering his seeming inability to remain married to anyone over 33. Plus, she's still married, though supposedly separated.

Elizabeth Moss, plays Peggy on Mad Men.

Pro: Elizabeth is adorable. She's divorced from comedian Fred Armisten.

Con: Elizabeth has said about her ex-husband, "The greatest impression he does is of a normal person." Er, so that might mean she wants a real normal person this time around. Next!

Erika Christensen, actress from Parenthood.

Pro: Erika's parents raised her as a Scientologist, so there's probably nothing that the church or Tom could throw at her that would surprise her.

Con: She's 29. Only four years left. Tick tock!

Laura Prepon, actress from That '70s Show and Are You There, Chelsea?

Pro: Laura is beautiful and successful, but not more successful than Tom himself, of course.

Con: She just seems WAY too cool for Tom.

Rachel Miner, actress from Sex & The City, Guiding Light, and Broadway.

Pro: Rachel's career could also use a boost, just as Katie's and Nicole's did when they married Tom. Also, she was once married to former child actor Macaulay Culkin, which means she knows what it's like to be the wife of a very strange dude.

Con: She's 31. Not sure if Tom does two-year contracts.

Peaches Geldof, British model and TV hostess.

Pro: Peaches is used to bizarre and tragic scenarios -- such as the death of her mother, Paula Yates, from a heroin overdose, and the suicide of her half-sister's father, INXS frontman Michael Hutchence. Being married to Tom should be a breeze.

Con: She's married already. But at 23, this could end soon -- and she'd still have quite a few years left over before hitting the magic number 33. I think we have a winner!

Who do you think should marry Tom next?

 

Image via Getty

celebs, divorce

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BeckyP. BeckyP.

Who the hell cares?!?!

sssim... sssimplysssarah

Whoa, Prima, bad day?! Damn, calm down! The author was merely pointing out that having had such terrible, extreme experiences, being with Tom would be totally normal. Don't see how that's rude or wrong toward Peaches...But I'm sooo disappointed in Elizabeth Moss, I had no idea! Maybe she got brainwashed as a kid on the set of Return to Witch Mountain lol

Sara Shushān

Keep your paws off Catherine and Erika, Cruise! I actually like them.

Marissa De Lory

Congrats- if you wasted your time readimg this "article", 100 of your brain cell just imploded on themselves.



Prima- I'm with you. Trying to be cutesy and clever about someone losing a parent- esp in a manner that is compromising to her mother's character and memory is so trashy and embarrassing.

Kayleigh Quate

It's going to be Dakota Fanning. I don't WANT that to happen, but that's what they've been saying since before Tom and Katie married. They would be divorced as soon as Dakota turned 18.

nonmember avatar rft

I don't think he will marry a Scientologist. They seem to be more interesting in converting people to increase their numbers, and also make more money on their classes and literature.

Rich Perkins

if your needy, co-dependent,need to be told what to do and when to do it, you can't make decision,don't have friends,can't manage your life--then a CULT maybe the thing for you

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