Love & Sex

The Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise divorce has been fascinating on many levels. But one of its most interesting aspects is the fact that Katie has taken charge throughout. If divorce is a game of chess, she seems to be a brilliant player. Whoda thunk? Her latest move comes amid word that Tom had begged her to fly to Iceland for a shot at reconciliation, and to be at his 50th birthday party in Los Angeles. She refused to do either.

Some of you might think this seems kind of cold. Why wouldn't she give the father of her child one last shot to save their marriage? But Katie, who has a lawyer father, probably knew something most women in the middle of a divorce don't. And that is that a last ditch effort to save your marriage can be your undoing in a divorce.

Imagine you have finally made the gut-wrenching decision to divorce. But suddenly your husband is begging for another chance. You think of the kids. You think of yourself. Deep down, you still love him. Maybe you CAN make it work. So you go away with him to talk. Maybe you even have sex. You think ... maybe this can work. But then everything comes crashing down again. You realize with crystal clarity that you NEED to divorce.

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Unfortunately, you just made a huge mistake. That weekend away, that make-up sex, that last ditch attempt to repair your marriage could be held against you in terms of alimony, child support, even child custody. Much of those terms depend on when the marriage is deemed to have been "irretrievably broken." In the eyes of the law, if your marriage is "irretrievably broken," you don't have sex with your husband or fly away with him for a vacation. You can't say to a judge, "But I thought I would give it one last shot even though the marriage was broken."

Katie, for instance, says that her divorce was "irretrievably broken" over six months ago. This was likely so that she could establish residency in New York -- where she filed. New York is known to be friendlier to the idea of sole custody, which she is seeking for Suri. If Katie had flown to Iceland or L.A. to be with Tom, this could be viewed as the marriage NOT being "irretrievably broken."

It's all well and good to remain on good terms with your ex -- but you have to be smart about it and not do anything to jeopardize the terms you want from the divorce.

Katie knew this. She is not only up against a powerful man -- but all of his Scientology cronies. What she did may seem cold-hearted, but when it comes to divorce, it can be better to use your head than your heart.

How do you think Katie is handling the divorce so far?

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