Sex Confession: I Cheated & I Told My Husband

by Michele Zipp July 2, 2012 at 10:11 PM

“Sex Confessions” is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, and all will turn you on (well most). You might want to sit down for this.

Today's sex confession comes from a 32-year-old mother of one who has been married to her high school sweetheart for 10 years. But two years ago, she messed up. While she admits that it all started with a little flirting with a guy at a bar after having one too many drinks while out with her girl friends one night, she has taken it too far. As far as it could go. She's been cheating on her husband for a year with the one man. The man knows she's married. Her husband, however, didn't know about the other guy. Until a month ago. Here is what she revealed ....

I'm not proud of myself. It all started because I drank too much, which I rarely ever do. But I saw this guy, felt something, and went up and started talking to him. We kissed at the bar. It was sloppy, stupid, careless, and totally wrong. I promised myself I would never do that again. I'd never cheat on John* again. I love him. I love our life. I love our marriage. I would never want to jeopardize what we have especially because of our daughter. But I did. I saw the guy again. And again. And it's been a year. My relationship with James* isn't anything like my marriage. It is mostly sexual. John and I don't have sex very often. James fulfills that missing part. James knows all about my marriage and I finally came clean and told my husband.

At first it seemed he was unwilling to forgive me. But he has. It's been a month since I told him and we've been working through it together. I didn't have to tell him. He had no idea what I had been doing. I wish I could erase the past year. But I can't. And that's the problem. I don't know how to break it off with James. I haven't seen him in a month. I keep putting him off. I haven't told him that my husband knows. I wish I just could never return his calls and never speak to him again. Though I know it's not that easy. I will run into him somewhere. And to be honest, I'm scared to talk to him because I don't completely trust myself to end it.

I need advice.

What advice would you give to this confessor?

*Names have been changed.

Image via Macnolete/Flickr

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Filed Under: cheating, sex secret

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Michele Zipp

loves vintage and will defend skinny jeans to the death though she is highly superstitious and "death" is probably a bad word choice. She has a touch of the hoarding disease and enjoys sleuthing, the worst reality shows, and wearing high heels, even at the playground. She's an AP mom of twins, slightly crunchy but with a pedicure.

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Comments 87

Nonmember comment from BeenThere

July 3, 2012 at 2:39 PM

Do not let these posters throwing hateful comments make you feel like any less of a woman or mother! I was one of those women who swore up and down that I would NEVER cheat on my husband and that women that did were whores. But I ended up having a very brief affair. I was lacking something in my relationship with my husband that I found elsewhere. I never intended for it to happen nor did not seek it out. It just happened. I was not drunk, I was unhappy. You too were apparently unhappy (which maybe the alcohol initially allowed your guard to come down) and found something with James. As other posters have said, you need to do some serious soul searching and see if you do in fact want to still be married. If you do, then you and your husband need some serious counseling to work through your issues. Lapses in judgment do not define you as a person or how you will be in the future. You can learn from your mistakes. Good luck in whatever path you choose!

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lorelei10

July 3, 2012 at 2:39 PM

we all make mistakes, but that was not a "mistake" that was a year long relationship with another man. I am casting this stone, because i cheated and had NO PROBLEM earning my husbands trust back after a few years becaue i TRULY changed. I didnt want anything to do with ANY other men. it was an easy choice. Affairs mean that you have a deeper issue. In my opinion, and i have been through this with my mother so i know how your daughter will feel if you keep this shit up, you are being very very selfish, YOur daughter will resent you... especially if her dad is a good guy. She will not accept that "mistake" excuse... Getting drunk one night does not make for a year long affair..... unless you are a dilusionalalcoholic. I dont feel bad for you... you need to set that poor man free and you need to be a better example for your daughter.

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GracesMomNE

July 3, 2012 at 2:43 PM

Very sad and selfish. She could have given her husband an STD. It's good she came clean (and obviously her husband loves her very much since he's staying)...now she should get into counseling immediately since it's obvious she's not over this other guy.

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Nonmember comment from Sarah

July 3, 2012 at 2:54 PM

No one should judge u for what u do or have done. I have learned over time that when someone cheats there is almost always a reason, it doesn't mean u dont love ur husband or ur child! It means ur missing something and trying to fill a void. See if u and ur husband can figure that part out and move on from there. I think u are very smart trying to stay away due to not trusting urself. Thats a very mature thing to admit. If u and ur husband cant get past it then both of u need to work together for ur child but move on from eachother. Sometimes things dont work out, its a normal part of life! Just do it maturely for ur child(; best of luck!!!

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Nonmember comment from Jenny

July 3, 2012 at 3:23 PM

Were you drunk for an entire year? Grow up

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CraftyJenna

July 3, 2012 at 4:07 PM

Think about it this way, you cheated on your daughter too because time spent away from your family in an illicit affair is time spent away from her. If you love your family so much more than this random dude - who also has his own family- then delete his number, unfriend him, delete his email change your number and get marraige counciling with your husband. Recommit to your family and leave the past where it belongs. If you really love your husband then you should be thanking god he is willing to forgive you, I would never forgive that kind of betrayal.

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Nonmember comment from SosoandSam

July 3, 2012 at 4:23 PM

Often times an affair that is sexual is hard to stop. Especially if you find that you enjoy what this person gives you more than your spouse. I'm currently in the same situation. I have had to take a step back and look at the cause of why I felt the need to cheat. You say you don't have a lot of sex, maybe a sex therapist of some sort will help. The best thing to do is call it off for now until youve made a decision. Afterall, you are still married. And if you do decide to leave your husband, don't beat yourself up. We all have one life to live and if you are unhappy in your marriage, than leave. We all make bad decisions, so everyone needs to stop being so judgmental. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. Also, don't just have your husband forgive you, you need to forgive yourself as well. And don't worry about what everyone else thinks. None of that matters.

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ziggyswifey

July 3, 2012 at 4:28 PM

The alcohol you drank must have been good shit to make you keep screwing him for an entire year. Go buy a toy.

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Number1Diva

July 3, 2012 at 4:46 PM

It sounds ti me like you really do love your husband and he must really love you too because he is starting to forgive you. But if you can't confront this guy and can't trust urself you need to ask yourself why if you really love your husband and want to work it out you shouldn't be second guessing. You should have told the other man first. Check your motives too because if you are just staying around and "love" him for what he can do for you then you need to ask yourself what you really want to do. Its not cool to play games let him be free if you want to keep doing wrong. I hope that if you really love your hubby you will make the right choice now and forever forward. God bless you and i wish you happiness and peace.

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Facebook comment from T.l. Rassmussen

July 3, 2012 at 4:59 PM

No, I've never made this mistake, but I know several people who have. Some worked it out, others weren't so lucky. Being a military spouse, I've been involved in numerous 'salvage' efforts. The best scenerio I've ever seen is this: Ask your husband to sit with you while you make the call. Be brutally honest with the 'Other', tell him why your not going to see him again. Stare into your husband's eyes, hold his hand, maintain some kind of contact with your husband as you break off the extra curricular. I know some will say that you don't owe the other any explanation, but it will always weigh on your mind if you don't be honest with him. After the task is complete, I would suggest a new phone number, and even a new phone, minus the other's contact info. Remove and BLOCK any and all email addresses, that way you'll never have to hit 'delete' again. You'll never have to choose between your husband, and your greatest mistake. In doing it this way, your husband can SEE AND HEAR what your saying; YOU know that your hubby can see and hear what's going on. No more lying, and his presence guarantees that you won't waiver. Good luck to you.

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