“Sex Confessions” is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, and all will turn you on (well most). You might want to sit down for this.
Today's sex confession comes from a 32-year-old mother of one who has been married to her high school sweetheart for 10 years. But two years ago, she messed up. While she admits that it all started with a little flirting with a guy at a bar after having one too many drinks while out with her girl friends one night, she has taken it too far. As far as it could go. She's been cheating on her husband for a year with the one man. The man knows she's married. Her husband, however, didn't know about the other guy. Until a month ago. Here is what she revealed ....
I'm not proud of myself. It all started because I drank too much, which I rarely ever do. But I saw this guy, felt something, and went up and started talking to him. We kissed at the bar. It was sloppy, stupid, careless, and totally wrong. I promised myself I would never do that again. I'd never cheat on John* again. I love him. I love our life. I love our marriage. I would never want to jeopardize what we have especially because of our daughter. But I did. I saw the guy again. And again. And it's been a year. My relationship with James* isn't anything like my marriage. It is mostly sexual. John and I don't have sex very often. James fulfills that missing part. James knows all about my marriage and I finally came clean and told my husband.
More from The Stir: Woman Makes Out with Married Man in Bar & Then Tells the Wife
At first it seemed he was unwilling to forgive me. But he has. It's been a month since I told him and we've been working through it together. I didn't have to tell him. He had no idea what I had been doing. I wish I could erase the past year. But I can't. And that's the problem. I don't know how to break it off with James. I haven't seen him in a month. I keep putting him off. I haven't told him that my husband knows. I wish I just could never return his calls and never speak to him again. Though I know it's not that easy. I will run into him somewhere. And to be honest, I'm scared to talk to him because I don't completely trust myself to end it.
I need advice.
What advice would you give to this confessor?
*Names have been changed.
Image via Macnolete/Flickr
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Comments 87
It's so easy for people to be judgemental behind the safety of a computer screen. Anyone who does something "they would never do" is just a "terrible & disgusting person"----in reality, you know you messed up and you are seeking advice as to what to do next or how to handle it.
I agree with several of the other moms--you really have no business being married if it is so hard for you to make a decision between the guy you are supposedly "just f'n" and your husband. Obviously the guy you were "just f'in" is more than that and is giving you something you feel you are missing from your own marriage-otherwise there should be no issue in who to choose and how to go about it.
I think you need to go through some very intense one-on-one counseling to decipher what is the best decision you need to make with your life. At the end of the day this is not just about you-it is about your husband and that little girl you have togetehr.
Change your number, delete him off of any social media sites you might be signed up with, delete any of his friends that you may now have contact with, do not go out anywhere especially a bar without your man, do not for any reason go back to the bar you met him at, spend more quality time as a family, go to an adult toy store and buy some things to spice up the love life you have with your husband, make more plans for the future together, get a counselor, if you have a close knit circle of girlfriends ask them to help you by not bringing him up and let them know your goals of never speaking with that man again so that they can support you in this too. GL momma!
EVERYONE LISTEN UP DO NOT CAST THE FIRST STONE STONE UNLESS YOU HAVENT CHEATED. Now that I have made that statement. We all make mistakes. My husband can tell you that himself. He did some something where I didnt trust him for about a year and now we are fulling trusting in each other again. So if they put their heart to it they can do it. If you really want to fix then fix it if not then go your seperate ways.
Anyway, my advice...you need some soul searching. Why tell your husband if you are unsure of the path to take. To me, you are toying with his emotion...he has or is trying to forgive you, and you're not sure what to do? But on your big girl panty (unless James has them) and a decision. You have already ripped your husband heart...now the question is, what do you plan to do with it?
The affair, obviously, gives you something your marriage doesn't. Your marriage, from all appearances, looks like its mainly a safety net. If the affair was just sexual it would be easy to break off...same as if you truly loved your husband. I know, I've been on both sides of the coin. You should begin by being honest with yourself about your true feelings. Stop hiding behind pretenses.
Its easy....don't ever see "James" again. And never put yourself in a situation where you can't control yourself. You are very lucky your husband didn't leave you and you are extremely lucky it didn't tear apart your family. Take that into consideration when your worried about breaking the news to James.....
@anonymous: You forgot her other choice: Get out of both relationships until you figure out how to be a grown-up about your relationships.