Sex Confession: I Cheated & I Told My Husband

You women are terrible.  Go ahead and sit up on your thrones & tell someone they are shit because they acted on a feeling.  I had an affair. And my husband knows about it.  It was exactly this scenario. I had such a hard time letting go of my lover.  I also still loved and continue to love my husband very much.  I'm sure all of your marriages are perfect, previous commenters?  When I beganmy affair, I was feeling very sad, unappreciated, and incredibly lonely.  My advice is this: you must get to the root of why you felt compelled to have another man in your life.  You said that you & your husband rarely have sex.  So I'm assuming part of the reason you continued with the affair was because it feels absolutely wonderful to be desired by someone.  It's very easy to lose that feeling in a marriage or long-term relationship.  If you want to be with your husband, it will take a lot of work, as I'm sure you are aware.  It is nearing a year since my affair ended & my husband and I are in a very good place now.  If you want this to work, it will work.  Best of luck.

"I wish I just could never return his calls and never speak to him again." Uh, then DON'T! This isn't an ettiquette thing; you're under no obligation to be polite to the guy you cheated on your husband with.

I first off have to commend this woman for telling the truth and admitting what she has done..that is a huge first step! I think there is a lack of understanding here ladies. Some of us live the right way and some of us fall off of the road. Love support counseling and honesty will get her back on the path. Or maybe she married way to young to her hs sweetheart and made a huge mistake..its between them and god, but she did the right thing, she admitted it

A couple of statements struck me. One, the idea that you didn't have to tell him. Do not pat yourself on the back for honesty. You OWED him the truth. He had a right to know. 2nd, that you chose to go the alcohol route with this confession. It's anonymous. Why use such a juvenile excuse? Tell the whole truth for once. You seem to have a problem with responsibility in that you refuse to own it. Don't pass the buck. You aren't 20 anymore. @Wheepingchree: Her situation and yours aren't the same. She specifically said sex is what's keeping her from being an honest and faithful wife & mother. What's terrible is that people like you would be so quick to bash a man for the kind of statements she made. It's not that she cheated, it's her ambivalence toward how she's affecting her family. She was almost cold and callous about it. Imagine the outrage if a man spoke this way about the potential loss of his family. Sex alone doesn't make people this selfish. It's about her refusal to address what's really behind this "affair".

I would see about a threesome;)

No one can judge another person by the mistakes they have made.....this gave me some help at one time!! An affair is an extreme symptom of a relationship that has been in trouble for some time. Affairs do not happen out of the blue and rarely happen because someone is a bad person. Cheating is caused by one single factor: "Lack." In a relationship, it's a lack of love, attention, intimacy, recognition, respect, and connection that builds up over time. Eventually, this "lack" can become so painful that the person in the most pain will often act out by cheating. Because communication has broken down, the cheating person doesn't feel like they can talk to their partner, so that makes them vulnerable to cheating.

Let me give this to you from a husband's perspective. You made a really bad choice (yes it was a choice, not an accident) and carried it on for a year. You told your husband and he had every right at that point to pack it up, throw you out and petition for custody of your daughter, but he didn't. That should be your clue right there. If he loves you enough to forgive your unfaithfulness, you need to take stock of how important your marriage really is. If you value your marriage, don't even respond to James, don't contact him, just cut it off. James knew he was involved with a married woman and will just move on to the next pair of legs that will open to him. If you still plan on seeing James, let John go and do it right away. Marital infidelity is entering more and more into custody decisions and you could wind up losing everything.

What advice would you give to this confessor?

Grow the f*ck up. This was not a mistake. If you can't control your drinking, don't drink. You're selfish, immature, and untrustworthy.

And to top it off...your "concern" is you don't know how to break up your adulty with an obvious low life of a boy (not a real man)?  Your main concern should be how to better yourself so that you can maybe be a good role model someday for your child.

I hope your husband leaves you, takes your kid, and finds someone who can love and respect him and be concerned with being a wife and mother...and not whoring around.

"You women are terrible. Go ahead and sit up on your thrones & tell someone they are shit because they acted on a feeling. I'm sure all of your marriages are perfect, previous commenters?"

I can sit on a throne on this issue. I've NEVER cheated. I'm better than to lower myself to lie to the person i love and made a commitment to to be honest and respectful to. No marriage is perfect, duh, they take work. But if you don't start out on a foundation of mutrual respect, then you don't have shit. She is shit for acting on a feeling, and then blaming it on drinking. If she is that immature that she has to act on a feeling, than she should not be in a mature committment. If she has to blame it on drinking, then she needs AA.