Well, knock me over with a feather! Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are getting a divorce. The hell you say?! I thought those two were gonna celebrate their golden anniversary someday! Whatever happened to true love? TomKat was a match made in Hollywood Heaven! I just don't think I can ever believe in anything again.
There, was that convincing? Ha. Obviously NO ONE is surprised that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are splitting up. Obviously the majority of us have been waiting for this moment since the moment the odd couple got married. Obviously Katie Holmes has been counting down the days to freedom since she signed her name on the dotted line. In blood. (Okay, I made that last part up.) But still. The gigantic bright red flags have been a-wavin' since the very, very beginning.
Let's count them, shall we?
1. The couch-jumping incident. Okay, my friend. We get it. You're in love! You love yourself some Katie Holmes! Except guess what? Jumping up and down on Oprah's couch isn't a symptom of being in love, it's a symptom of being psychotic. I love the look on Oprah's face. Like she's secretly feeling around for the panic button.
2. The silent birth. So nobody knows for sure if Katie Holmes really did have a "silent birth" (Scientology style) when Suri was born, but if Tom Cruise actually made her go through with that one, well ... could you forgive a man who made you do that?
3. All the other Scientology stuff. Word has it that Katie was initially so infatuated with Tom she didn't realize she was being inducted into a cult, but over time she became increasingly disenchanted with the controlling religion (huh, guess brainwashing doesn't always take). And she definitely doesn't want that life for Suri. Take the kid and run! (Hmm, could that be why she's filing for SOLE custody?)
4. No more babies. Of course having one kid is perfectly normal and not a sign of marital discord, but these two were always talking about how they wanted more kids, and people were always talking about how Katie was maybe preggers for real this time, yada yada yada. But still, the Suri stands alone -- see video clip below. (Maybe because it's tough to conceive a second child when Mommy and Daddy sleep in separate wings of the mansion?)
5. No public appearances as a couple. Since, apparently, the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in February. That was kind of a really long time ago. That's a great big uh-oh for famous couples. Personally I think it's kind of their way of easing the public into the breakup. See, this is what I look like on the red carpet without whatshisname.
Did you expect Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise to split up?