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10 Questions Husbands Should Never Answer Truthfully
Women talk. A lot. Men not so much. That's probably because there's a 65 percent chance that whatever comes out of a guy's mouth is going to get him in big trouble with his gal. So call it a survival instinct if you will.
Over the years, I've learned a thing or three about the opposite sex. The biggest being that questions are extremely dangerous. In fact, they really should come with a warning from the Surgeon General. See, there are certain questions a wife will ask her husband that are sure to have him sleeping on the couch for a week depending on his answers. With that in mind, here's a list of 10 Questions Husbands Should Never Answer Truthfully.
Do these jeans make me look fat?
The answer is no. It is always no. Even if you're dying to scream, "No, it's your fat that makes you look fat," bite your tongue, put on your best acting skills, and say no.
Do you think I need a boob job?
Why, so you'd look like one of those crazy hot Playboy Playmates with their perfectly round, inviting, perky breasts? I mean ... no. Natural is the way to go.
How do you like my black bean and tofu pizza?
Anytime your wife asks you to taste her cooking and tell her what you think, just take a bite, smile, and lie. Once she's fallen asleep for the night, sneak out to a fast food joint for a few burgers.
Do you think she's pretty?
Doesn't matter where you are or who the "she" is. The answer is always, "Not really."
Do you like my new haircut?
Gasping and shrieking, "What did you do to your luxurious long hair?" is probably not the best response. It looks great. Amazing. So much better, don't you think?
Is it okay if my parents come stay with us for a few weeks?
No matter how valid your arguments are, this one will always blow up in your face. Just say yes and start making plans with the guys. Lots of plans.
Do I look like my mother?
No. Not at all. Move along.
Hypothetically, which one of my friends would you have sex with?
While the more realistic question is probably, "Which one of my friends would you not want to have sex with?" your wife doesn't need to know that. Tread lightly here. Stall. Let her suggest names and even then just give a half-hearted, "Eh, she's not bad" kind of answer.
How old do you think I look?
Subtract five years from whatever you're really thinking. Ten if you're extra nervous.
Did you forget what day it is today?
You're screwed. Run.
What question does your husband avoid?
Image via movethelife/Flickr
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JAFE
I think if a woman is dumb enough, or insecure enough to ask these kinds of questions, she deserves what the answer is. If you don't want to know, don't ask. How can you possible blame the guy because you're so insecure? If you think those jeans make you look fat, they probably do or you wouldn't have asked.
Jespren
TheSimpleTruth
American Expat
Guess this list doesnt apply to me!
the4mutts
I think the author, Andrew, whines far too much, and despite being married with 2 boys, doesn't actually know shit about women. He likes his IDEAS of women, but doesn't know how the general femal population reacts.
I would never ask which friend my SO would screw. That's just stupid. The rest...? If I ask, I damn well better get an honest answer! I'm not insecure in the least, and want my SO's opinion, because I respect it.
the4mutts
I liked him too, even when we disagreed
MomaLlama
I don't usually ask a question I don't want an honest answer too, but sometimes unsolicited information is unnecessary. My husband takes a sleeping pill at night and we learned early on that if he doesn't go to bed right away he can say/do unfortunate things. One night after we attended a wedding together we were laying in bed and he rolled over and said, "Love, you looked really beautiful tonight." I'm thinking awww he's so sweet and then he says, "You were easily the 2nd most beautiful woman in the room...the one groomsman's sister was really..." I just said, baby go to sleep...
PonyChaser
Oh, MamaLlama, that's hilarious!! He's lucky to have a wife with a great sense of humor!
I agree with most of the other posters, here. With the exception of "Which friend would you want to sleep with?" at one time or another, I've asked all of these questions, and had them answered honestly.
'Do you think she's pretty?' was early on in our marriage, and allowed me to see what he liked... and led me to point out the pretty girls on the beach when we'd go. It became a game.
we live far away from family, so of COURSE they're going to stay here from time to time. His parents do, too.
Honestly, if you can't trust your spouse to give you straight answers without being insulting when you ask tough questions, then you're with the wrong person.
Marianna Nichols
American Expat
Haha I remember some of his posts too, I can see why you would think that, we have some similar views, but then whenever china comes up he seems to go on a racist rant! I abhor bigotry of any kind, but particularly sensitive to sinophobe racism, as I have Chinese wife & stepdaughter, so I've kinda been ignoring his comments lately.