Women talk. A lot. Men not so much. That's probably because there's a 65 percent chance that whatever comes out of a guy's mouth is going to get him in big trouble with his gal. So call it a survival instinct if you will.
Over the years, I've learned a thing or three about the opposite sex. The biggest being that questions are extremely dangerous. In fact, they really should come with a warning from the Surgeon General. See, there are certain questions a wife will ask her husband that are sure to have him sleeping on the couch for a week depending on his answers. With that in mind, here's a list of 10 Questions Husbands Should Never Answer Truthfully.
Do these jeans make me look fat?
The answer is no. It is always no. Even if you're dying to scream, "No, it's your fat that makes you look fat," bite your tongue, put on your best acting skills, and say no.
Do you think I need a boob job?
Why, so you'd look like one of those crazy hot Playboy Playmates with their perfectly round, inviting, perky breasts? I mean ... no. Natural is the way to go.
How do you like my black bean and tofu pizza?
Anytime your wife asks you to taste her cooking and tell her what you think, just take a bite, smile, and lie. Once she's fallen asleep for the night, sneak out to a fast food joint for a few burgers.
Do you think she's pretty?
Doesn't matter where you are or who the "she" is. The answer is always, "Not really."
Do you like my new haircut?
Gasping and shrieking, "What did you do to your luxurious long hair?" is probably not the best response. It looks great. Amazing. So much better, don't you think?
Is it okay if my parents come stay with us for a few weeks?
No matter how valid your arguments are, this one will always blow up in your face. Just say yes and start making plans with the guys. Lots of plans.
Do I look like my mother?
No. Not at all. Move along.
Hypothetically, which one of my friends would you have sex with?
While the more realistic question is probably, "Which one of my friends would you not want to have sex with?" your wife doesn't need to know that. Tread lightly here. Stall. Let her suggest names and even then just give a half-hearted, "Eh, she's not bad" kind of answer.
How old do you think I look?
Subtract five years from whatever you're really thinking. Ten if you're extra nervous.
Did you forget what day it is today?
You're screwed. Run.
What question does your husband avoid?
Image via movethelife/Flickr
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Comments 41
I agree with a lot of the comments on there, but yeah, I have some friends who go ballistic at their husbands. One friend's husband said something about her roots needing to be dyed, and she made him sleep on the couch. What? Seriously, if my jeans don't flatter my butt, or my haircut looks bad, I would rather him tell me than let me go out in public looking stupid. Also, if I make something for dinner and it isn't good or he doesn't like it, why should he lie? I'm not saying they should be mean about it, but I would rather know that something I make is a little off and try to remedy it than to be disillusioned about my cooking ability. Most of the other questions are trap questions anyway.
OHH my goodness no crazy Lydia post, I cant believe it and this is about MEN Bahahahaha
Anyway, nice to "meet" you!
I am the one with the head for dates and routinely remember our anniversary, the anniversary of the day we met and her birthday. If a guy can keep sports stats in his head, he should be able to remember her birthday and the anniversary of his wedding, it's not THAT hard.
Haha Yeah, I just started visiting here, mostly to look for some guidance in raising my teen stepdaughter, but already seen quite a few comments referring to comments by Lydia - but never her comments. They must have been some real dozers given what people were saying lol. And considering the stir seem a rather tolerant in its comments, she must have really pissed people off.
@Marianna Nichols. Do you have any sons? How can you possibly say that men need to be "trained" to "behave a certain way?" Do you think your son should read this on his wedding night? I guess either way, having a son who you think should be "taught to behave" or a daughter who's going to treat men like a servant and be considered a ball-buster, I feel bad for your kids.
This way of thinking is why some of the things are the way they are. In the toilet. Men and women both should treat each other with respect. Neither should ask each other loaded questions.
I was starting to feel like my marriage was completely unnatural.
In my house, if I ask you a question, I want an honest answer. Anything other than honesty is completely disrespectful. I want to raise out daughters to be honest, and if Mommy and Daddy lie to each other, why shouldn't they?
Aside from that, if my ass looks fat, or my skirt is to short, or my new haircut is awful, save me the embarrassment! Just tell me!
As far as cooking, I am a vegetarian, my husband is not, so I quite frequently ask him how something is, because I honestly don't know. I get {constructive} feedback from him, and eventually perfect the recipe.
I can't imagine asking him which of my friends he would sleep with, that's insane! We have an agreement there. I don't talk about his hot friends/coworkers, he doesn't talk about mine.
What kind of insecure person asks these stupid questions? Good , Lord, if you're afraid of your wife why did you marry her?