10 Questions Husbands Should Never Answer Truthfully

LOL 42

jeansWomen talk. A lot. Men not so much. That's probably because there's a 65 percent chance that whatever comes out of a guy's mouth is going to get him in big trouble with his gal. So call it a survival instinct if you will.

Over the years, I've learned a thing or three about the opposite sex. The biggest being that questions are extremely dangerous. In fact, they really should come with a warning from the Surgeon General. See, there are certain questions a wife will ask her husband that are sure to have him sleeping on the couch for a week depending on his answers. With that in mind, here's a list of 10 Questions Husbands Should Never Answer Truthfully.

Do these jeans make me look fat? 
The answer is no. It is always no. Even if you're dying to scream, "No, it's your fat that makes you look fat," bite your tongue, put on your best acting skills, and say no.

Do you think I need a boob job?
Why, so you'd look like one of those crazy hot Playboy Playmates with their perfectly round, inviting, perky breasts? I mean ... no. Natural is the way to go.

How do you like my black bean and tofu pizza?
Anytime your wife asks you to taste her cooking and tell her what you think, just take a bite, smile, and lie. Once she's fallen asleep for the night, sneak out to a fast food joint for a few burgers.

Do you think she's pretty?
Doesn't matter where you are or who the "she" is. The answer is always, "Not really."

Do you like my new haircut?
Gasping and shrieking, "What did you do to your luxurious long hair?" is probably not the best response. It looks great. Amazing. So much better, don't you think?

Is it okay if my parents come stay with us for a few weeks?
No matter how valid your arguments are, this one will always blow up in your face. Just say yes and start making plans with the guys. Lots of plans.

Do I look like my mother?
No. Not at all. Move along.

Hypothetically, which one of my friends would you have sex with?
While the more realistic question is probably, "Which one of my friends would you not want to have sex with?" your wife doesn't need to know that. Tread lightly here. Stall. Let her suggest names and even then just give a half-hearted, "Eh, she's not bad" kind of answer.

How old do you think I look?
Subtract five years from whatever you're really thinking. Ten if you're extra nervous.

Did you forget what day it is today?
You're screwed. Run.


What question does your husband avoid?


Image via movethelife/Flickr

marriage, love, lying

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JAFE JAFE

I think if a woman is dumb enough, or insecure enough to ask these kinds of questions, she deserves what the answer is. If you don't want to know, don't ask. How can you possible blame the guy because you're so insecure? If you think those jeans make you look fat, they probably do or you wouldn't have asked.

Jespren Jespren

The majority of women I know only ask questions to which they want the answer. If I ask 'does this skirt make me look like a stuffed sausage?' I expect my husband to tell me the truth. I can't see my butt, he can. I'm not fishing for a complement, I'm trying to look good for him and not make a fool of myself by leaving the house looking rediculous. If you don't have a good enough relationship with your spouse that 1) you feel you have to lie or 2) she is trying to trap you with 'questions' that aren't actually questions there are a lot more problems with your relationship and/or general personalities than saggy boobs, big butts, or wandering eyes.

nonmember avatar TheSimpleTruth

You know what's sad? That my (very untactful) husband just throws most of these at me without me asking. I wouldn't want to know the answer - but I walk out of the house in the morning and hear, "those jeans make you look fat, like your mom"..."and what's going on with your hair - looks terrible - you need to grow it out - you look 10 years older than you are." He's never complimented my cooking unless it's one of HIS mom's recipes and my mom isn't usually allowed to stay at our house because he feels uncomfortable with her religious beliefs (she's a Christian).....this article just made me feel really horrible - for my own sad reasons. :(

nonmember avatar American Expat

A guy could always simply marry a secure, confident, and awesomely cool woman. My wife has no problem accepting she is a little fat, feels insulted if I don't acknowledge attractiveness of other women even strangers, would rather cut her throat before ever cutting her hair short, would never cook vegetarian crap, honors her mother and deceased father, and she's constantly being mistaken for her daughter's sister, much to the annoyance of my stepdaughter. She's not pleased with her bust size, but you'd never know it since she never whines or complains about it.


Guess this list doesnt apply to me!

the4m... the4mutts

American Expat- you're a man? Ahhh no wonder I've liked the things I've seen you comment today.

I think the author, Andrew, whines far too much, and despite being married with 2 boys, doesn't actually know shit about women. He likes his IDEAS of women, but doesn't know how the general femal population reacts.

I would never ask which friend my SO would screw. That's just stupid. The rest...? If I ask, I damn well better get an honest answer! I'm not insecure in the least, and want my SO's opinion, because I respect it.

the4m... the4mutts

Wait... you didn't post under the name Lord K before did you?

I liked him too, even when we disagreed

MomaL... MomaLlama

I don't usually ask a question I don't want an honest answer too, but sometimes unsolicited information is unnecessary.  My husband takes a sleeping pill at night and we learned early on that if he doesn't go to bed right away he can say/do unfortunate things.  One night after we attended a wedding together we were laying in bed and he rolled over and said, "Love, you looked really beautiful tonight."  I'm thinking awww he's so sweet and then he says, "You were easily the 2nd most beautiful woman in the room...the one groomsman's sister was really..."  I just said, baby go to sleep...

PonyC... PonyChaser

Oh, MamaLlama, that's hilarious!! He's lucky to have a wife with a great sense of humor!


I agree with most of the other posters, here. With the exception of "Which friend would you want to sleep with?" at one time or another, I've asked all of these questions, and had them answered honestly.


'Do you think she's pretty?' was early on in our marriage, and allowed me to see what he liked... and led me to point out the pretty girls on the beach when we'd go. It became a game.


we live far away from family, so of COURSE they're going to stay here from time to time. His parents do, too.


Honestly, if you can't trust your spouse to give you straight answers without being insulting when you ask tough questions, then you're with the wrong person.

Marianna Nichols

Men should be required to read this on their wedding night, so they know how to behave from the getgo. :)

nonmember avatar American Expat

Thanks the4mutts. I've seen many of your posts too and they're great as well.


Haha I remember some of his posts too, I can see why you would think that, we have some similar views, but then whenever china comes up he seems to go on a racist rant! I abhor bigotry of any kind, but particularly sensitive to sinophobe racism, as I have Chinese wife & stepdaughter, so I've kinda been ignoring his comments lately.

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