Women talk. A lot. Men not so much. That's probably because there's a 65 percent chance that whatever comes out of a guy's mouth is going to get him in big trouble with his gal. So call it a survival instinct if you will.
Over the years, I've learned a thing or three about the opposite sex. The biggest being that questions are extremely dangerous. In fact, they really should come with a warning from the Surgeon General. See, there are certain questions a wife will ask her husband that are sure to have him sleeping on the couch for a week depending on his answers. With that in mind, here's a list of 10 Questions Husbands Should Never Answer Truthfully.
Do these jeans make me look fat?
The answer is no. It is always no. Even if you're dying to scream, "No, it's your fat that makes you look fat," bite your tongue, put on your best acting skills, and say no.
Do you think I need a boob job?
Why, so you'd look like one of those crazy hot Playboy Playmates with their perfectly round, inviting, perky breasts? I mean ... no. Natural is the way to go.
How do you like my black bean and tofu pizza?
Anytime your wife asks you to taste her cooking and tell her what you think, just take a bite, smile, and lie. Once she's fallen asleep for the night, sneak out to a fast food joint for a few burgers.
Do you think she's pretty?
Doesn't matter where you are or who the "she" is. The answer is always, "Not really."
Do you like my new haircut?
Gasping and shrieking, "What did you do to your luxurious long hair?" is probably not the best response. It looks great. Amazing. So much better, don't you think?
Is it okay if my parents come stay with us for a few weeks?
No matter how valid your arguments are, this one will always blow up in your face. Just say yes and start making plans with the guys. Lots of plans.
Do I look like my mother?
No. Not at all. Move along.
Hypothetically, which one of my friends would you have sex with?
While the more realistic question is probably, "Which one of my friends would you not want to have sex with?" your wife doesn't need to know that. Tread lightly here. Stall. Let her suggest names and even then just give a half-hearted, "Eh, she's not bad" kind of answer.
How old do you think I look?
Subtract five years from whatever you're really thinking. Ten if you're extra nervous.
Did you forget what day it is today?
You're screwed. Run.
What question does your husband avoid?
Image via movethelife/Flickr