5 Secrets You Can Keep From Your Husband & 5 You Better Not

For years I was a big believer in "keeping secrets" in a relationship. They weren't "secrets" as much having privacy. I had all sorts of writings that I didn't give my man to peruse. When the digital era came along, I maintained our privacy. Not once did I check his text messages or his email (even though I had his password). Then I found out my fiancé was living a secret life as a gay man. Suddenly I was conflicted about keeping secrets and how much privacy couples should have with each other.

But Dan Ariely, author of The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty, says that some secrets are best taken to the grave. He says that if you are telling your partner the truth merely to "to assuage your guilt, offload your problems, or hurt [him or her]", then it's better to lie or keep silent.

You have to use your own judgement when it comes to what to spill and what to bottle up. But here are 5 guidelines:

Good to keep secret:

I have a big crush on my coworker.

Bad to keep secret:

I have a big crush on my coworker and I text him several times a day and email him at night and am wondering how I can get away for the weekend with him.

Good to keep secret:

I've never been that sexually attracted to you.

Bad to keep secret:

I've never been that sexually attracted to you because you refuse to shave that beard, go for days without showering, and have gained 30 pounds since we got married. And as soon as I find someone who isn't those things, I'm gonna bail.

Good to keep secret:

Sometimes I have sexual thoughts about the same sex.

Bad to keep secret:

I have sexual thoughts about the same sex and am just figuring out how I can bring them into reality without you knowing.

Good to keep secret:

I don't want kids as much as you do.

Bad to keep secret:

I don't want kids as much as you do, and therefore I'm going to sabotage every effort to have them but not tell you that's what I'm doing.

Good to keep secret:

I used to sleep around a lot.

Bad to keep secret:

I used to sleep around a lot and I have several (or even one) communicable venereal diseases.

What are some good/bad secrets?

 

Image via Stephen Depolo/Flickr

cheating, commitment, love, lying, marriage

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oreo91 oreo91

and no one comment lol

nonmember avatar Stephanie

How the hell are those good secrets to keep?! And what gives you the right to say what secrets are ok to keep from your spouse?!

Histo... HistoryMamaX3

Those are 'secrets' to keep, those are just things that you shouldn't do... *sigh* If ANY of those (good or bad secrets) apply to you, the relationship probably isn't right for you.

FebPe... FebPenguins

I just gotta say I hate the STIR, why oh why, do I even waste my time!!

Brittany Reece

Yes because lying to your spouse as long as its a 'good' secret is completely justifiable.


Seriously?

MrsOo... MrsOorlog

Even the good secrets have divorce written all over them!


 

nonmember avatar BH Mom

After two decades of marriage, I can say with authority that keeping your trap shut from time to time is not only a good idea, it's essential to the relationship.

Katie Elizabeth Anne

I don't think you should tell your partner anything about who you are "attracted" to or have a crush on. It's only human to be attracted to the oposite sex, and sometimes bonds or crushes develop when your in a  situation where you are around someone nearly everyday and you get to know them. What matters is how you choose to act on those feelings, if your doing something that makes you feel guilty and is secret worthy then yeah you need to tell your partner or seriously reevaluate your relationship. If I found someone attractive I would not tell my partner, I have no intention to cheat on him and I do not flirt or lead anyone on, telling him would cause more problems then it would solve. Not to mention the last thing I want to hear is who he finds attractive, somethings are better left unsaid that doesn't make them "secrets".

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